2012 Week 15 Picks

This week - tonight, in fact - the Eagles will be hosting the Bengals at the Linc.

On the one hand, the monkey's off their back - they finally won a game.

On the other hand, the Bengals don't have the worst-ranked pass defense.

Also, they are currently holding the #7 playoff spot in the AFC, looking up at slumping division rival the Steelers.

They have every reason to bring it, and I expect them to.

Bengals.

In the rest of the matchups:

Redskins at Browns: The big question in DC this week isn't the fiscal cliff or what's going on in Syria or the upcoming inauguration, or the ever-amusing local corruption. It's, "Will RGIII play Sunday?" The Skins are facing the Browns. Don't know that it will matter. Redskins.

Colts at Texans: Man, the Texans must be reeling from the ass-whupping they took at the hands of the Pats Monday night. And you know Matt Schaub is thinking, "ONE year? I get ONE year where the Colts aren't good? Goddamnit!" But I think they'll pull this one out. Texans.

Jaguars at Dolphins: Dolphins. To quote the Bleacher Report: things Nick Foles is slower than - the Jaguars selling out a home game.

Broncos at Ravens: This may be the best Broncos team we've seen since...Elway? I don't even know. They're good. REALLY good. And the Ravens are sputtering on offense. Broncos.

Vikings at Rams: I can't figure out the NFC North at all this year. The teams win when they should lose and lose when they should win. I've got the Rams at home, but who knows?

Buccaneers at Saints: The Bucs have nearly the worst defense in the league, and THE worst against the pass (see above re: last week against the Eagles), while the Saints have, well, Drew Brees. Last week the Seahawks put up 58 points on the Cardinals. Brees could do that against the Bucs in the first half, unless his arm gets tired. Saints.

Giants at Falcons: Don't pick against the Falcons at home.

Packers at Bears: See above RE: NFC North, and I'm going with the Bears because homefield, but I think this game will be close.

Lions at Cardinals: Lions. Don't think the Cards have an answer for Megatron.

Seahawks at Bills: Seahawks, who are quietly pretty damn good with their rookie QB, Russell Wilson, who's getting very little attention because Luck and RGIII, also Seattle.

Panthers at Chargers: Talk about inconsistent teams! Anything could happen in this game. I mean anything: clown cars, Rip Torn, flash mob, you name it. I think Panthers, but I wouldn't put money on it.

Chiefs at Raiders: Chiefs. Also, who cares?

Steelers at Cowboys: Think the Steelers can keep the wheels on the bus long enough to beat the Cowboys? I'd like to say yes, but I really don't think so. Cowboys.

49ers at Patriots: Possible Super Bowl preview? Nah - AFC's going to be the Broncos, mark my words. The Pats are pretty hard to beat at home, which I should've remembered when picking the Texans last week, but in Kaepernick I trust. 49ers.

Jets at Titans: Bleh. I'll be in NOLA Monday night, which is great - I won't feel bad at all about skipping this one. Also, for what it's worth, Jets.

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2011 Week 15 Recap

Eagles v. Jets, Sunday, December 18, 2011

This weekend, Chef Spouse and I celebrated our 19th anniversary. I think, on some level, the Eagles knew and engineered a win as a gift for us. And they even managed to win at home! Thanks, guys! We really appreciate it! Although a winning SEASON would've been an even better gift. Next year's 20. Super Bowl? Just sayin'.

Yeah, I know, if things fall JUST right, the Eagles could still win the division. I'm afraid to start hoping, though, since that really hasn't gone well for Bleeding Green Nation so far this season. You know, hope.

Stud of the week: I know you're tired of hearing this, but how could it NOT be Shady? My secret running back boyfriend tied and then broke Steve Van Buren's SIXTY-SIX year old franchise records for most rushing TDs and most total TDs in a season. Shady also has the most TDs this season in the entire NFL. And he has a shot at Wilbert Montgomery's franchise single season rushing record, too. Y'all, seriously, go vote for him for the pro bowl, because if he doesn't get a bid, I may have to stop believing that people are fundamentally good.

Shout-outs also go to Jason Babin, sack leader of the NFL, and to Brent Celek, who  had a big day with 150+ yards and a TD of his own.

This is the team I expected to see, if not in September, then certainly by the time the guys came back from the bye.

Is the defense finally coming together? The Dolphins and Jets aren't exactly known for tearing it up offensively - both teams have banked on excellent defense this year - but still, both teams were thoroughly shut down. I've been calling for Juan Castillo's head, along with, well, EVERYONE, but if the D can hold up like this against the Cowboys and Redskins and help the team win out, I might have to revise that judgement.

The offense was on fire. Again, these are the guys we all expected to see 8 weeks ago. Vick got hit less. DJax actually held on to passes. So did Maclin.

Special teams is still an issue. Curtis Marsh probably needs to be sent to timeout to think about his actions until he's ready to apologize. And I miss Akers. You miss Akers. We all miss Akers.

It's the final two weeks. Wildcard's not a possibility, but the NFC East title still is. Hold on to your hats.

Around the rest of the NFL...

Once again, I got KILLED on my picks. Then again, I suspect a lot of people did.

Falcons over Jaguars: Got this one. Told you the Jags wouldn't be able to run wild against the #4 run defense in the NFL.

Cowboys over Bucs: It wouldve really helped the Eagles playoff chances if the Bucs had managed to upset the Cowboys, but let's get serious.  Then again...

Chiefs over Packers: OK, a perfect season is a REALLY REALLY LONG long shot. But the Chiefs? The CHIEFS? Who just fired their head coach? C'mon man! And, of course, now there's a script for beating the Packers. Which, if the Eagles can manage to squeak into the playoffs, might come in handy.

Dolphins over Bills: Maybe the Bills CAN lose all the rest of their games.

Seahawks over Bears: Stick a fork in the Bears. They're done.

Panthers over Texans: Come on, former Team of Destiny! Don't let that divisional title go to your heads! You need to go into the playoffs hot if you hope to win any games!

Colts over Titans: Ending their anti-perfect season, of course, but they're still strong for the #1 pick. I think they should throw the final two games to Luck it up. And the Titans really needed that game to stay in the wildcard hunt. Damn, the NFL is a hot mess this year!

Saints over Vikings: OK, the Saints are one of the few teams that actually are consistently good this year. And the Vikes are consistently bad. I suspect Leslie Frazier may not make it another season. Of course, Breesus might not, either, if they can't get his contract worked out.

Redskins over Giants: Huh. Looks like the annual Giants season-ending collapse has arrived right on time. If y'all do have one more win in you, could you please save it for the final game? Thx!

Bengals over Rams: Speaking of staying in the playoff hunt...wouldn't it be fun if both the AFC wildcards came from the north? It could happen.

Lions over Raiders: That was a nail-biter. And the Raiders really needed this game. But if Tebow time really is over, then the Raiders could take the division back, even without this win.

Cardinals over Browns: Is Kevin Kolb done? Is John Skelton the QB of the Cards future? Well, he's started or played significant portions of 6 games, of which the Cards have won 5. And their record is 7-7. You do the math.

Pats over Broncos: Apparently, God doesn't care about football, but the devil does.  Chef Spouse observed that, seeing as it's hard to beat a team twice, if the apocalypse does show up, it's probably good that Satan's team won this one.

Chargers over Ravens: And it wasn't even close. I would've put the Ravens in the "consistently good" category and the Chargers in "consistently inconsistent" prior to last night. I could see a Ravens-Packers Super Bowl. But after last night, who knows?

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2011 Week 15 Picks

Remember the last time the Eagles put together what amounted to their longest winning streak (2 games) this season? For three weeks - week 6, the bye and week 8 - it felt like maybe the Eagles were finding their way, putting their season together, pulling out the tailspin. It felt like, maybe, the team was 3-4 on their way to 11-5 or maybe even 12-4, and a glorious march deep into the playoffs, maybe even the Super Bowl.

That was fun, wasn't it? When we all still had hope?

Which, of course, the proceeded to crush by dropping the next two games to the Bears and, humiliatingly, the Cardinals.

Since then, the Birds have dropped two more on their way to a 5-8 record. And even though they aren't technically out of the running for the playoffs, they will be after this weekend, when I'm picking them to lose at home to the Jets. Because, aside from the fact that the Jets are a better team, home games have been poison for the Eagles in the past two years.

Jets.

In the rest of the matchups:

Jaguars at Falcons: The Falcons have the #5 ranked rushing defense. MJD is not going to have another four touchdown week. Falcons.

Cowboys at Buccaneers: The Cowboys might be entering a late-season slide (you should hear the wailing over at Blogging the Boys), but they aren't sliding that far. Cowboys.

Dolphins at Bills: Tough one to call. If Sparano were still there, I would be totally Team Fins, but with an interim and the upheaval, I'm not so sure. And after starting so well, the Bills can't possibly lose ALL the rest of their game, right? Right? Bills. Maybe.

Seahawks at Bears: The Bears are reeling and the Seahawks have won 4 of their last 5. Still, they aren't great on the road, and Tavaris Jackson is likely to have a tough day against the still very scary Bears defense. Beast Mode, sure, but it's not easy to get yards on the ground against the Bears either. Bears. Even if Devin Hester has to score all their points off punt returns.

Panthers at Texans: Cam Newton scores a ton of points, but the Panthers' D is weaker than wet tissue paper, and the Texans can score points, too. Go Texans! A first round bye is still in reach!

Titans at Colts: Titans. Moving on...

Packer at Chiefs: Packers. Again, moving on...

Saints at Vikings: Saints. Wow, these are easy this week. Well, until some team pulls off some huge upset win, of course. But I don't think it's going to be the Vikings.

Redskins at Giants: This is an interesting matchup. The Redskins played great against the Pats last week and, speaking of upset wins, almost pulled one off. The Giants did upset the Cowboys at home. I really want to call the Redskins to pull off the upset win. Still, they did beat the Giants at home in week 1, and it's really hard to sweep a team in your own division. I talked myself into it - Giants.

Bengals at Rams: Bengals. Who need every game from here on out to have a shot at the wildcard.

Lions at Raiders: The Lions are looking good for wildcard, too, but they can't drop too many more games, either. Suh's back, and the Raiders seem to have lost their mojo - maybe Tim Tebow stole it. Lions.

Browns at Cardinals: Who's under center for the Cards this week? If it's Skelton, I'm going Cards.

Patriots at Broncos: Irresistible force, meet immovable object. I always get pwned when I pick against the Pats, but I can't deny the Tebow magic. I don't know how the Broncos will manage to hold the Pats to, like, 10 points, but I'm sure that somehow, it will happen. Broncos. Oh, and there's a good chance I watch this rather than the Eagles game (kidding - maybe).

Ravens at Chargers: Ravens. Who need this to stay ahead of the Steelers. And the Chargers are kind of a mess this year. Not as big a mess as the Eagles, of course, but still.

Steelers at 49ers: This is going to be a good game. I'm going Steelers, but really, this one could go either way.

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2010 Week 15 Recap

Eagles at Giants, Sunday, December 19, 2010

In attendance: 81,000+ people, at least a few of which were actual Eagles fans.

Menu: stadium food, but we found a deli stand that had decent corned beef and excellent pastrami.

Stud of the week:  DeSean Jackson, whose 65 yard punt return won the game? Nah - other than that, he had a pretty quiet game. Michael Vick? More about him below, but being Superman is just living up to expectations at this point. I have to give it to a combo: David Akers and Riley Cooper, who combined to perfectly execute the onside kick that totally changed the momentum of the game.

This was a rough game to attend in an unfriendly stadium. I know Eagles fans have a deserved reputation for being tough on opposing teams' fans and being somewhat lacking in class. Let's just put it this way: we're not unique in the NFC East in either of those.

Chef Spouse and I were in NYC courtesy of his company, thanking him for doing something really great this fall. He prepared an excellent picnic lunch for the train on the way up. We spent the afternoon walking around midtown admiring the department stores' fancy Christmas window displays. We enjoyed an outstanding dinner at WD-50 on Saturday night. Sunday dawned cold but not terribly windy and a little overcast - perfect December football weather. And this game was pretty much for all the money. Yeah, there are two games left, but the winner of this game was virtually guaranteed to win the NFC East and even potentially take the #2 seed, depending on what the Bears do in the next three games.

And then? The Eagles stunk it up. For 52 minutes, they were a complete mess, with the exception of the run defense (more on that below). And, my God, did we hear about it. It's a good thing I'm not easily offended, because F bombs were being tossed at me faster than in a Quentin Tarantino movie. When we left our seats at halftime (24-3) to get food, "go home, losers" was the nicest thing we heard.

Getting and eating the food took a while, and we returned to our seats with about 5 minutes left in the third quarter, by which time the seriously shit-faced Giants fan to our left decided Chef Spouse had drunk his beer (absolutely incorrect) and came about [this] close to starting a fight over it. My take? He was so wasted he didn't realize that HE had drunk his beer. Also? How is it even possible to get that tanked on Bud Light, Princess?

So the fourth quarter starts, and the Giants engineer another long drive, at the end of which Kevin Boss scores, taking it to 31-10. Apparently, with just over 8 minutes left in the game, the chances of the Eagles pulling out a win was 1%. Now, I hadn't done the math, so I didn't realize it was quite THAT dire, but I knew the Birds' chances were not good.

And then? Michael Vick apparently decided that there was no way in hell his team was going to lose. Even more amazingly, he made it happen. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris wears Michael Vick pajamas.

Meanwhile, Chef Spouse and I, convinced that the team could not win, were hanging out in our seats checking in on the other games with his new iPhone 4 and speculating about playoff scenarios.

Brent Celek TD? "Oh, isn't that sweet? They're not giving up!"

Onside kick? "How could the Giants NOT be prepared for that, after that Akers-led Sideline Coaches' Summit? Also, good job Riley Cooper!"

Vick runs in another TD? "Wouldn't it be funny if this game ended 24-31? It would look a lot less lopsided than it was."

Eagles burn all their timeouts with 4 minutes left to save the clock? "Didn't Andy Reid watch our win over the Cowboys last week? This does not bode well."

Maclin TD to tie it up? "Wow! Looks like we're going to overtime! Do we need to call the car service driver to let him know?"

[All of the above said very quietly so as not to set off Drunky Drunkenstein in the next seat over again.]

And then? One of the most amazing plays I've ever seen. Andy had DeSean back there, and I was all, "I don't know if I like this with DJax's injured foot. There's no way in hell the Giants kick it to him anyway." And poor rookie Matt Dodge either gets a bad snap or chokes on the pressure and kicks RIGHT TO DeSean, who DROPS the punt (which turned out to be a good thing, as it completely FUBARed the Giants coverage team), picks it up, spots a lane, Jason Avant lays a MONSTER block on Zak DeOssie, and the next thing we knew, DeSean's running across the front of the endzone before driving the stake through the Giants' hearts. With a VENGEANCE.

The stadium was silent.

I was so shocked, I had to sit down.

Chef Spouse kept repeating, "Did that just happen? Did that JUST HAPPEN?"

Tom Coughlin was so pissed he threw down his clipboard and headset and ran on the field before DeSean was in the endzone.

Things were so chaotic, the zebras couldn't get enough Giants on the field to kick the extra point, so it took several more minutes to end the game. During which Giants fans in front of us started - or tried to start - fights with any person they spotted in midnight or kelly green. Chef Spouse and I did our best to lay low, particularly until Drunkface and his friends were gone.

After which we started jumping up and down and screaming.

A few additional notes: rookie MLB Jamar Chaney played great. The Giants, purportedly a team "built to win in December" with a great run game and a solid defense, could not run the ball. And that turned out to be key. Remember the Cowboys last week? The Eagles won that game because LeSean McCoy successfully ran 4+ minutes off the clock. The Giants had to pass, and that gave the Birds far too many chances. I was really worried, with Stewart Bradley being out, but one thing about Andy Reid is that he seems to always have another guy ready to step in.

Apparently, at halftime, Asante Samuel, usually not the most voluble guy, exhorted the team to play with heart. Not to win, not to get back in it, but to play with heart. Chef Spouse and I were speculating, while waiting in line for our delicious, fatty deli meat sandwiches, what would need to happen in the locker room at halftime for this not to be an utter disaster. Chef Spouse noted that if anyone was going to step up with the "unleash the hounds!" speech, it was going to have to be one of the players. True dat.

A few comments on the Giants: Eli Manning played really well. I tend to rag on him, mostly because his diffident manner tends to get on my nerves (and I think it's unfair that he has a ring, when I honestly don't believe he's a great, or even a consistent, quarterback), but yesterday isn't on him.

You know who else it isn't on? Matt Dodge. Yeah, he made a bad mistake on that final punt. But he didn't have anything to do with blowing a 21 point lead in about 7 minutes. And 10 other guys were on the field who should've tackled DJax. Denizens of Big Blue View are calling for his head and bitching that you don't waste time grooming a punter. Two words for you: Sav Rocca.

Also, Justin Tuck? Might want to tone down the trash talk, son.

Finally, there's been a lot of Giants fan whining about DeSean Jackson "showboating" across the front of the endzone. He's been quoted as saying he was just making sure he'd used up the clock, and being there, it was pretty obvious he was looking back over his shoulder at the clock to be sure. Either way, all I have to say is, just like when the Cowboys whined last week, if you don't want to see it, don't let him do it.

Around the rest of the NFL...

Chargers over 49ers: The Giants fans in front of us at the game Sunday were talking about this game and how BWest is doing so well for the 49ers. I forbore to mention that it was because he didn't have to play at all for about 2/3 of the season, mostly because even when their team was winning, the Giants fans were really, really cranky.

Ravens over Saints: Super Bowl hangover? Nah - the Saints will still likely make the playoffs, although they do have to face the Falcons again, and in Atlanta. And once we're into the postseason, anything can happen. Actually, that holds for the Ravens, too.

Panthers over Cardinals: I called this one! And pretty much no one else did! Who cares?

Bengals over Browns: TO's done for the season, and maybe forever. Aw - I'm really going to miss that guy. No, I'm not.

Cowboys over Redskins: But Sexy Rexy played really well. Prediction? McNabb's done in DC. And he seems to have developed the reputation as being stubborn/inflexible, which could hurt his chances of going elsewhere.

Colts over Jaguars: I knew the Colts would find a way to win this game. Like I said, I just don't see Peyton allowing them to miss the playoffs. One of the Sunday morning shows was talking about "this combination of QB and coaching experience blah, blah, blah," and I know they were thinking Jim Caldwell, but I was thinking, "Same guy."

Bills over Dolphins: Just when I think it can't get any worse for the Fins (who, you recall, I picked to win the division), they lose to the Bills. Ouch.

Chiefs over Rams: The NFC West will be won by a team under .500. Sickening.

Lions over Buccaneers: Guess that whole dream of the playoffs is pretty much right out the window for the Bucs. Have I mentioned that I think the Lions are SOOOO close to being good? Because I really think they are.

Titans over Texans: We just watched C'mon Man, and they showed the Texans' linemen getting into a fight WITH EACH OTHER and drawing a 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalty. Possibly the dumbest thing I've seen this week (then again, it's only Monday).

Falcons over Seahawks: Well, yes.

Raiders over Broncos: Who will be starting Tim Tebow for the rest of the season. Why the hell not? Find out what you have now.

Jets over Steelers: There's this great sports bar in Times Square called Tonic, which is where we ended up after getting back from New Jersey and showering up, both to warm up and to try to address the Crazy Santa Hat Hair situation. We were watching the 3rd quarter while getting ready, and got to the bar in time to see the 4th quarter, where we found a lot of Jets fans, and some nice, friendly Giants fans. Apparently, you have to pass an asshole test to go to the game, as in, if you aren't one, they don't let you in the stadium (Yes, I was in the stadium. Draw your own conclusions). Watching this game, all I could think was: how important is Troy Polamalu to this team? I don't have the stats handy, but I know the Steelers winning percentage with Troy Polamalu is really good, and without him, um, not nearly so good. Even with the loss, they're still atop the AFC North, but they need to gentle Samoan to get healthy ASAP.

Patriots over Packers: This game is proof that things mostly turn out as expected. Even though the Packers, led by rookie QB Matt Flynn, led for most of the game, that is not going to beat Tom Brady at home 9 times out of 10 and twice on Sunday. Funniest moment of the game? Lineman Dan Connolly running back a punt 70+ yards. The crowd at Tonic was yelling, "Run, Fat Boy!" as one. The funny part is, if he hadn't tripped, he probably would have made it into the endzone, dragging all those relatively tiny Packers who were trying to tackle him, even though, as Chef Spouse observed, he was holding the ball like a sack of groceries.

And now? I find myself in the unenviable position of having to root for Brett Favre. But I really want that #2 spot, not least of which because it dramatically reduces the chances that the Eagles will have to face the Giants again this year. It's really, really hard to beat a team 3 times in a row. It's even harder to do it 7 times in a row.

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2010 Week 15 Picks

Chef Spouse did something really amazing for his company this fall. To say thank you, they're sending us to Gotham this weekend - hotel, sideline tickets, car service to the Meadowlands, the works. And Chef Spouse is preparing a picnic lunch of high end treats (pate, caviar, champagne, etc.) for the train ride up.  And we have dinner reservations at WD-50. Now if we can just get the temperature above ridiculously freezing cold, we'll really be in business!

So who's going to win the game?

Well, the math says Giants. So do some of the guys at Bleeding Green Nation (traitors!). But The System doesn't know Steve Smith is done for the year, and Mario Manningham is decidedly iffy. And the Giants historically don't do well in December. And I'm not sure what's going on with Eli Manning lately, but he's throwing a LOT of picks. And did I mention that Asante Samuel is back? And even though he's been out since the last Giants game, he's leading the NFL in picks?

Oh - and could this game be any bigger? The team that wins this WILL win the NFC East. You heard it here first.

I gotta pick my Eagles, even against the math. And if they can win out, they'll likely jump to the #2 spot given how tough the Bears schedule is. That bye and a home playoff game would be nice, fellas. Can't you taste it? Don't you want it? You know you do. Don't let me down.

In the other matchups:

49ers at Chargers: Both teams playing for their playoff lives, and BWest is having a bit of a renaissance now that Frank Gore's sidelined. But I figure the Chargers should win this one going away. Both west divisions are bad, but the NFC West is like a whole other level of bad.

Saints at Ravens: This is going to be a hell of a game, with both teams in tough divisions and trying to stay in the wildcard race. I'm picking the Saints. I'm also picking this as the game we'll have on Chef Spouse's new iPhone while we're at the Meadowlands.

Cardinals at Panthers: This, on the other hand, is a meaningless game. The math says Panthers, but really, who cares?

Browns at Bengals: Another meaningless game. The Bengals have a slight edge, but again, who cares?

Redskins at Cowboys: Much as I want to pick the Redskins, the Cowboys are now playing like we all expected them to at the beginning of the season, and the Redskins' lack of depth at pretty much every position is causing their usual late season meltdown. Cowboys.

Jaguars at Colts:  Colts. I can't believe they'll miss the playoffs, and they have to win their division to get in this year. Peyton will make it happen by sheer force of will if he has to.

Bills at Dolphins: Dolphins.

Chiefs at Rams: Two not very good teams fighting to stay in the lead of their crummy divisions. Bleh. Chiefs.

Lions at Bucs: This one's a push, but the Bucs are at home and potentially have something to play for (they're still not mathematically eliminated from the playoffs), so I'm going with them.

Texans at Titans: The Texans will win this game, for all the good it will do them. Sigh. Maybe next year former/future Team of Destiny.

Falcons at Seahawks: The Falcons are only unstoppable at home. And when they're playing bad teams. Falcons.

Broncos at Raiders: Raiders. I hadn't bought, but I was renting to own. Hope I can get out of this lease.

Jets at Steelers: The math says Jets, but I think they're starting to fall apart, and the Steelers, who have one of the oldest rosters in the NFL but sure as hell don't play like it, are hitting their stride big time. I'm going with the Steelers.

Packers at Patriots: The math says Packers, but it doesn't know about Aaron Rodgers concussion or the fact that Tom Brady's on fire, too. I have to go with the Pats, even though another loss almost definitely dooms the Packers post-season hopes, while the Pats could coast a little at this point.

Bears at Vikings: The Vikes still have no stadium and have an almost new coach and a new QB (Patrick Ramsey, who hasn't had meaningful playing time since he was a Redskin in 2004) to backup their starter, who up until last week was the third string clipboard holder. The math says they're going to win, but that's crazy talk. Bears.

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Sunday Schedule: Sunday, December 19, 2010

We're closed for business this week. Why? Chef Spouse did something amazing for his company this fall, and to say thank you, they're sending us to Gotham for the weekend with sideline tickets to see the Eagles take on the Giants in the Meadowlands in the game that may determine which team will win the NFC East (and car service to get us there and back). So y'all are on your own, but look for us on TV!

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2009 Week 15 Recap

Eagles versus 49ers, Sunday, December 20, 2009

In attendance: Due to Snowpocalypse in DC, only me and Chef Spouse

Menu: In deference to Ex-Navy Cheesehead, we froze the sauerbraten and had homemade soft pretzels (which will make another appearance next week) and cream of tomato soup.

Stud of the week: It was almost the Linc grounds crew. Seriously. That was some damn fine work getting the field ready. But ultimately, I had to go with 49ers QB Alex Smith who, with 3 picks, did everything in his power to help us win. Thanks Alex!

I expected this to be a more dominating win. Not that the 49ers are bad - their whupping of the Cardinals last week showed that they're actually a pretty decent team - but I expected more of our team.

The offense seemed a little off all day. Don uncharacteristically threw 2 picks, which he pretty much never does. He overthrew Peanut, which I didn't think was possible. Although he did run for a TD for the first time in a long time. He may be 33, but he still has some wheels! AR, in a totally boneheaded move, went for it at our 29 on 4th-and-1. Weaver had a bonehead play of his own. We're out of timeouts, donkey! Save your jawing for some other time. Although, had Big5 been able to get his attention and signal him not to move, we could've snapped for a 5 yard penalty on the 4ers without him on the line. Still, big mental mistake (and Big Red clearly gave him what for on the sidelines after). He even got a shout-out on Monday Night Countdown's "C'mon Man!" segment.

Speaking of sidelines, apparently it's now OK to hit Eagles receivers out of bounds? You did see the late hit on Peanut, right? AR sure did - I'm pretty sure he rammed the 49ers defender with his shoulder in retaliation.

And we got a little pass-happy there for a while, which was making me crazy, seeing as Big5 was not having his best night. Of course, at least we have a QB who can throw the long ball in less than ideal conditions. Not that that helps us in the playoffs this year, when we'll likely be playing in some domes.

The 49ers were doing everything they could to give us the game with 4 turnovers, and in the third quarter in particular, it looked like we were trying our best to give it back. Of course, if we're going to take a quarter off, I'm glad we're choosing one of the middle quarters, rather than the fourth quarter. But it would be better to play a full, focused 60 minutes.

On the other hand, we once again found a way to win. Unlike the Saints, Vikings, and Packers. And we've secured our 8th trip to the playoffs in 11 seasons under Andy Reid. And going to the playoffs is so routine for us now that we don't even care - we're gunning for the NFC East and maybe the #2 spot (more on that below). Way too many commentators can't seem to do basic math to figure out that, in fact, we secured a playoff spot yesterday. They're still talking like we're the team that could be out of it and that the Cowboys have the East. Um, they're a game behind us, and there is NO WAY we let them win on January 3 to take the division, if it even comes to that. Catch up, dumbasses!

Oh, and the whole snowballs fracas? IT SNOWED TWO FEET. Of COURSE people threw some snowballs. Jesus! You know what happened in the Meadowlands last week? Giants fans threw BEER BOTTLES at Peanut. And there's been NO mention of that. It was SNOW. GET OVER IT.

Around the rest of the NFL...

Colts over Jaguars. They're unbeaten. They're dull. Shouldn't those offset in some way?

Cowboys over Saints. So the Saints do have feet of clay. The Cowboys also played a pretty much perfect game. In the Superdome. Not easy. Hopefully, that was their one December win this year. I still don't know what happened there. The Saints looked totally flat and didn't get a miracle this week. Maybe that's the problem? They've resorted to relying on miracles to fix their early game problems for them? Plenty of Saints fans are crying "injured players," but come on! We're playing JEREMIAH TROTTER at linebacker at this point. JEREMIAH TROTTER. We haven't seen Brian Westbrook in over a month. Don't talk to me about injuries. I say it all the time, but while it's better to be lucky than good, it's best to be both. The Saints were not good on Saturday night. Oh, and did you hear? Shaun Suisham is now a Cowboy. Guess *anything's* better than Nick Folk.

Pats over Bills. Dear Bills: head coach. You might want to look into it. Might help with those 11 penalties for 9 million yards. It's tough to win when you hand your opponents two TDs due to dumb interference calls.

Browns over Chiefs. The ONLY interesting part of this game was that Jerome Harrison broke Jim Brown's single-game rushing record. Oh, and Mike Holmgren is headed there. Dear Eric Mangini: Nah-nah-NAH-nah, nah-nah-NAH-nah, hey-hey-hey, GOOD BYE.

Texans over Rams. Dear Team of Destiny: beating the Rams by only a field goal is NOT a good sign. You're not officially eliminated from the playoff race yet, but you might as well be.

Falcons over Jets. Upsets ahoy! The Falcons, in the last month, beat the Bucs, got KILLED by us, and dropped a close one to the Saints. They're out of the playoffs. The Jets, meanwhile, were still theoretically in the run for the division. Not anymore, particularly with the Colts and Bengals coming up. Speaking of....

Titans over Dolphins. The Dolphins were also still theoretically in the run for the division. But the Titans are also playing for their playoff lives. It's amazing to me that all these 7-7 teams are still in it in the AFC. Rob Bironas and Chris Johnson are studs, though. Everyone seems amazed at the yards Ricky Williams is still putting up at running back at age 32. Seeing as he pretty much took 4 seasons off to smoke chronic, he's actually only 28 in running back years. So the yards are not so shocking after all.

Cardinals over Lions. Yeah, but they needed a Lions screw up on their last possession to carry it off. Almost losing to the Lions? Even worse than losing to the Raiders. Trust me. Speaking of losing to the Raiders....

Raiders over Broncos. Did I mention your playoff hopes are on the line? The Broncos have only won two games since their 6-0 start. Ouch. Big game next week, with Wolverine coming home in orange and blue.

Chargers over Bengals. In fiction, the Bengals would have won this one. Just like the Redskins would've won the first game after Sean Taylor died. In reality, football doesn't play favorites, even when they really deserve it, and the Chargers were the better team. Hopefully, Chris Henry will find some peace he didn't have in life. His poor fiance, on the other hand, will have to deal with what happened for the rest of her life. Sad events, and a sad loss for the Bengals.

Ravens over Bears. Remember how I was all, "Jay Cutler is the second most overrated player in football?" Who's laughing now? Maybe the Bears should try to switch uniforms with the Vikings next week so that Cutler can complete a few passes to the right team. What a disaster!

Buccaneers over the Seahawks. Huh. Didn't see that coming. The Seahawks are a hot mess right now. Paging Mike Holmgren! Oh wait....

Steelers over Packers. Everyone's all, "The Steelers have saved their season." I think that might be a little premature. It's a long way from "beating the Pack at home in literally the last second of the game on completed pass that was more lucky than good" to "defending your Super Bowl title." They're alive for at least another week, but they need about 17 improbable things to break exactly their way. And that's already happened once this decade (for us to get into the playoffs last year, in case you forgot). Groceries is back in fine form. I was chatting with a Steelers fan recently who said (I kid you not): "Oh, Ben loves to get sacked! Hee hee!" Um, I don't have enough time to explain how stupid that is.

Panthers over Vikings. Apparently, Brad Childress wanted to get Brett Favre out of there, either because he was playing badly or because he was afraid Julius Peppers was going to put Brett in a body bag. And Brett refused to be benched. And Brad let him get away with it. End of season Brett Favre meltdown in 5...4...3....2... (which means we could take the #2 spot in the NFC! Awesome!)

I'm torn about MNF - I called the Giants, and I'd rather they get into the playoffs than the Cowboys (even though it's hard to beat a team 3 times in one season), but I'd also like the Redskins to go into next week's game against the Cowboys confident, pumped up and on a 2 game winning streak. But with a Giants lead of 14-0 at the beginning of the second quarter, it's not looking too good for the burgundy and gold.

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If it can't be the Eagles...

GEAUX SAINTS! Beat dem 'Boys!

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2009 Week 15 Picks

Chef Spouse, in all his smarticity, has literally done the math and realized that, as long as we beat the Cowboys in Dallas January 3, the next two weeks don't matter. Don't believe him? Peep this, uh, peeps:

Current Standings:
Eagles 9-4
Cowboys 8-5
Giants 7-6
Redskins...wait, who?

Anyway, if the Giants win out, they go 10-6. If the Eagles lose the next two games, we go into the final game 9-6. If the Cowboys win the next two games, they go into the final game 10-5. Assuming we beat them in the final game, we would have three 10-6 teams in the NFC East. We beat the Giants twice, so they're out. We'll have split wins with Dallas. However, our divisional record of 5-1 will spank the Cowboys' 3-3.

NOT THAT I WANT TO LOSE THE NEXT TWO GAMES. Just wanted to clear that up. And I'd much rather go into the playoffs 12-4 and in the 3 seed and avoid playing the Saints as long as possible and hope that maybe they'll all forget how to play football in the interim. Or a miracle will happen and they'll go down in the divisional round. Still, it's good to know we have some wiggle room.

Particularly since the 49ers are playing for their playoff lives, too. Actually, the 49ers could still theoretically win their division. If the Cards lose their last 3 games and the 49ers can win 2 of 3, they'll actually win the NFC West, seeing as they beat the Cards twice this season. And we don't do a great job stopping the run (see below, Jacobs, Brandon). And the 49ers have this guy named Frank Gore? You might've heard of him?

On the other hand, there is NO WAY we turn the ball over 7 times on Sunday. NO WAY. And how the hell do you turn the ball over 7 times on a clear, cool night in San Francisco anyway? And I'm really hoping the 49ers left it all on the field beating a divisional rival at home. And they're coming east on a short week.

Meanwhile, the Eagles, in the past four weeks, have finally figured out something the Saints have known since September: how to win, no matter what (hey, we're a little slow). It's not always pretty, it's not always the way the you want it to be, it may result in you yelling, "Tackle! TACKLE, DAMN IT!" at the TV for 3 solid hours until it feels like your head is going to explode, you may not be able to fall asleep until 2 am afterward and still have to get up for the work the next morning, but they win. And they're going to keep winning. E-A-G-L-E-S! EAGLES!

Colts/Jaguars. All right, I swore in this week's recap that I'd stop picking against the Colts. So I guess that means I'm picking the Colts. Watch - now's when they'll lose.

Cowboys/Saints. They're playing in the Superdome. In December. There is no possible way the Cowboys win this game. Even Tony Romo's mama is picking the Saints. And so am I.

Bears/Ravens. Ravens. And look for their secondary to have a field day picking off Jay Cutler.

Patriots/Bills. Hm. I REALLY want to pick the Bills. Which is amazing, considering that TO is still there. You know, until Mario Testino calls. But all the Randy-Moss-quit-because-Bill-Belichick's-a-jerk (duh!) controversy can't be good for the Pats, right? And the Bills did almost smoke the Pats earlier this year, right? Yeah, I still can't talk myself into it - Patriots.

Cardinals/Lions. Well, that's a nice way to rebound from a Monday Night Football humiliation. Cardinals. Because, honestly, the Lions are so inept that the Cardinals could turn the ball over 7 times and still win easily. Cards.

Texans/Rams. Speaking of inept...Texans.

Dolphins/Titans. This promises to be an interesting game. Were we not playing opposite, this is probably the game I'd want to watch. I want to call Dolphins, because I want them to snatch the AFC East from the Pats, and Vince Young's still sitting out with a bum hamstring...ah, what the hell. Dolphins.

Browns/Chiefs. Wow. I *hope* this game gets blacked out, and the liquor flows freely at Arrowhead Stadium, because this is going to be unwatchable. The fans might just want to set up rad tailgating, stay in the parking lot, and watch one of the other games on TV. Chiefs. Like anyone cares.

Falcons/Jets. Another interesting matchup. Mark Sanchez, Matt Ryan, and Michael Turner are all maybes for Sunday. If the Falcons have Ryan and Turner, I think they'll win, regardless of who's taking the snaps for the Jets.

Broncos/Raiders. Bruce Gradkowski was the - very temporary - savior of the Raiders, but now that he's gone down and they're back to JaMarcus Russell, their season is O-V-E-R. How did we lose to them again? Broncos.

Packers/Steelers. I was at a professional networking session earlier this week and had the opportunity to chat with Josh and Kiersten, both Steelers fans. I was all, "What is UP with the Steelers? They're not more injured than anyone else at this point." Josh and Kiersten were like, "No Polamalu." Really? I mean, we lost Dawk, and I was sure it was The End Of Us, and yet we've battled back. (Actually, the entire team has turned over in D-Mac's tenure. Wow.) Grow some stones, Steelers. Anyway, the Packers are definitely going to win this one. I hope they get to see the Vikings again in the playoffs, and I hope they kick Brett Favre's ass.

Buccaneers/Seahawks. Man, another dog of a game. The Seahawks should be able to win this one. Not that it matters.

Vikings/Panthers. How did this end up on Sunday Night Football? The Panthers are terrible. And the Vikings continue their amazing win streak, with almost all of their opponents under .500. Whose dick do we have to suck to get that schedule next year? Vikings.

Giants/Redskins. I anticipate that this will actually be a really good game. And even though the Skins are 4-9, they've been playing a LOT better recently. Still, the Giants are playing for their playoff lives and the Skins are out of it. On the other hand, they play in Largo. Coin flip says Giants, but this one could really go either way.

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Sunday Schedule: December 20, 2009

Here we go, Eagles, HERE WE GO!

I love December. Particularly since we tend to play so well. Well, except for the 4 days a week of football - it's hard tot set aside that much time, yo! Some of us have to do Christmas shopping!

ThNF: Colts/Jags (only we won't be watching it, as we'll be at the Inn at Little Washington celebrating lucky 17)
SaNF: Saints/Cowboys (I see 8-6 in my crystal ball)
1 pm: Eagles/49ers
4 pm: Chargers/Bengals
SuNF: Vikings/Panthers
MNF: Giants/Redskins

That's a lot of games, dawg!

Menu-wise, we're going out on a limb. Chef Spouse doesn't like to experiment on guests, but Ex-Navy Cheesehead has requested sauerbraten with red cabbage, so we're going to experiment (and it's a good thing I checked out the recipe now, because we'll need to start it marinating no later than Friday!) Bring German beer.

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