Hear That?

It's the fat lady singing.

Eagles v. Cowboys, Sunday, November 11, 2012 

Stud of the week: Jeremy Maclin. Mac had a solid game, and made some clutch catches to try to help his rookie QB. He even came back into the game after getting pretty much obliterated by Charlie Peprah. Joe Buck was all, "he should've caught that." You want to hold him while I hit him, or vice versa? Shout out to Riley Cooper for the circus catch on that first drive, too.

The game started well. The Eagles opening drive was probably the best opening drive we've seen out of them this season. And remember, the Cowboys have a top 10 defense. I was feeling pretty positive.

OK, sure then the Cowboys proceeded to march downfield for a TD, taking the game to 7-7. But still, it gave me momentary hope.

And then! The Eagles had a SACK! A SACK!

Then they had ANOTHER one!

Could my typical Eagles fan pessimism be wrong, for once?

Of course not. Silly me.

Vick went down with a concussion, Foles came in and did...not much.

But wait!

Foles hit a WIDE OPEN Mac in the endzone for a TD. And then the Eagles got a field goal to go up by 7.

And I'm thinking: maybe everything is going to be OK. Maybe Vick has been the problem all along. Maybe all is not lost.

This was quickly followed by pretty much the worst 2:30 of football I've ever seen.

First the Cowboys score. Of course, it was clear they didn't actually score - Dez Bryant totally put the ball on the ground - but the PI call would've given them 1st and goal on the 1, so whatever.

Then the Eagles go 3 and out.

Then  Matt McBriar punts to Dwayne Harris, who benefits from a totally obvious and not called block in the back, to take it to the house.

Then on the next possession, Foles tosses a pick six.

OK, maybe I was right in the first place.

Thing is, Nick Foles played pretty well, particularly for a rookie who'd had no practice time with the first team offense.

Well, other than the fact that his pick six throw and fumble in the end zone were the Cowboys margin of victory.

I should say almost the Cowboys margin of victory. Let's not forget Alex Henery's missed PAT. When that happened, I burst into laughter. Because, really? A missed PAT?

And let's talk about King Dunlap for a second.  Wait, let's not. I'm pretty sure the Eagles would've been better off to just say, "Nah, we'll go with 10 guys on offense. It's cool."

And now the Eagles have signed Jake Scott. Does the phrase, "Rearranging deck chairs on the Hindenburg" ring any bells to you?

We got offered 3 different sets of tickets to Eagles/Redskins here in DC next week. We turned them all down. I'll still watch my boys lose, but I'd rather do it in the privacy of my own home. Sigh.

Confidential to the 49ers and Rams: yes, a game CAN end in a tie. And Akers should've remembered that.

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2011 Week 10 Recap

Eagles v. Cardinals, Sunday, November 13, 2011

Hear that? It's the Fat Lady singing. Steve Mariucci may not think so, but I say stick a fork in them - they're done.

Stud of the Week: LeSean McCoy, again, who might as well retire the category since he's been the only bright light in an otherwise dismal season. Sunday, he broke Steve van Buren's consecutive games with a TD at 9. Which also also pretty much the only bright spot in the game. Well, other than Asante's pick 6. And where has THAT been for the past nine weeks?

Thank goodness I had some stuff that absolutely, positively had to get done, so I was only half watching the game. If I'd devoted full attention, I probably would've been up on the roof threatening to throw myself off by the time it became apparent that the Eagles were going to blow another fourth quarter lead - you know, at the beginning of the fourth quarter.

I had no problem with Andy's benching of DeSean Jackson, who seems to have mentally checked out (along with most of the rest of the team). Apparently, this was far from a first offense. I'd even advise threatening to trade Jackson to Arizona as punishment if it weren't for the fact that, since they just punked the Eagles yesterday, that means a trade would probably be seen as a reward.

Nobody seems to care - one of the commenters on BGN pointed out that in previous years, when one part of the team was struggling, the rest were there to pick up the slack. This year, nobody seems to have anyone's back. Offense was sputtering, Vick was struggling, when receivers got the ball, they dropped it or went down one yard shy of the first down on 3rd and 20 (looking at you Steve Smith - and you really should be traded. To the Colts. Bring back Chad Hall!). The defense once again blew a fourth quarter lead. Yes, it's historic - the first time a team has blown four fourth quarter leads at home EVER. Also the first time a team has blown five fourth quarter leads in nine games EVER. Historically bad. Awesome! In the way that's totally not!

I have to quote Tommy Lawlor from IgglesBlitz: "This team has the talent to be an efficient, ball control offense, but turnovers kill that.  We have a Red Zone turnover in all but one game this year.  To me, that is the shocking stat of the season.  Settling for FGs isn’t ideal, but you can’t turn the ball over.  That’s a sure way to kill your chances to win.  Go back and add a FG to each of the Eagles games and think about how that might have changed things."

Oh and on Vick's struggles with accuracy? Broken ribs. Great. Let's all just picture, for a moment, Vince Young under center against the Giants. In prime time.

Ugh.

Let's not.

Remember the historic game when DMac broke his ankle and threw for 4 TDs, with the O line basically carrying him to and from the huddle? Yeah, with this bunch, he'd probably be on his own and lucky if none of his teammates accidentally-on-purpose kicked him in the bum ankle.

And why was a ROOKIE SAFETY (Jaiquawn Jarrett) assigned to cover LARRY FITZGERALD one on one? Who thought that was a good idea?

This is like 2005 all over again, only worse. The 2011 Eagles can't use "injury" as an excuse. Plus, at least those guys (in 2005) tried.

I guess we should've all seen this coming after all these years of watching the Skins blow it. These guys aren't a team, they're a bunch of rich, spoiled assholes who are just collecting paychecks.

Oh well, at least I got to watch my secret wide receiver boyfriend Larry Fitzgerald for 3 solid hours. Best butt in football.

In the rest of the matchups... assuming the Pack wins tonight (looking pretty likely here at the end of the first quarter), Chef Spouse will be 7-9 for the week. Which is good enough to win the division in the NFC West and to tie him for the lead at my office pool this week. Yep, that is EXACTLY how weird things have been this season. Our perennial winner office pool winner only got 4 this week.

Raiders over Chargers: I would say "I can't figure out the AFC West this year," except it seems like I can't figure out ANY of the divisions. I guess Carson Palmer's starting to figure things out.

Saints over Falcons: Solid divisional win on the road. Who dat! Mike Smith is taking shit for opting to go for it on fourth down in OT - unsuccessfully of course - but I think he figured the Falcons would NOT get the ball back, and had it worked, everyone would've been calling him a genius. I don't fault him.

Titans over Panthers: Yowza. Three points from the Panthers. Good defensive effort from the Titans.

Steelers over Bengals: Looks like Chef Spouse was right - the Steelers were pissed about dropping two games to the Ravens. The Steelers got a solid defensive performance, too, picking off rookie Andy Dalton twice in the fourth quarter. But mark my words - Dalton is the real deal.

Rams over Browns: Who misses a 22 yard field goal that would've won the game? Seriously?

Cowboys over Bills: Sigh.

Jaguars over Colts: If the Colts were going to win a game this year, this one would've been it. Guess they're winning the Suck for Luck sweepstakes.

Broncos over Chiefs: I know you've already heard this a million times if you've watched any football coverage in the last 24 hours, but how can a QB throw only 8 times and complete only 2 passes and still win the damn game? WTF?

Dolphins over Redskins: About a week ago, I advised Cool Web Dude (who, you may remember, is a Skins season ticket holder) to jump on the Packers' bandwagon as an alternative. Wonder if there's room for me?

Texans over Buccaneers: Go Texans! Former Team of Destiny is making good! Well, until Matt Schaub got hurt. The Matt Leinart era is about to begin in Houston. Which is probably not a good thing.

Seahawks over Ravens: In fairness, this truly is one where the Ravens lost more than the Seahawks won. The Ravens did everything they could to hand the game over other than pulling their D. Of course, I didn't actually watch the game. They didn't pull the D, did they? Can NO ONE play consistently this year? You know, other than the Packers?

Bears over Lions: Speaking of inability to play consistently...you're not gonna win games throwing four picks, son. Should I not feel as bad about the loss the Bears last week because of this? Nah...still sucks. Also, a Public Service Announcement: DO NOT KICK TO DEVIN HESTER.

49ers over Giants: Has anyone else noticed that David Akers is ON FIRE this year? I miss you, #2.

Pats over Jets: For, like, a minute, the Jets looked like they might be in this game. Then there was the other 59 minutes.

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2011 Week 10 Picks

I did such a bad job with my picks last week, that this week I've turned making the picks over to Chef Spouse. If he blows it, too, next week, I'm letting the cat make the picks.

Cardinals at Eagles: Eagles (homer!) but he did pick the Eagles to beat the Bears, so this pick might be suspect. Hell, they ALL might be suspect.

Raiders at Chargers: GAH! Thursday night football already! Have I mentioned how much this screws up my weekly schedule (only about 1000 times)? Oh NFL Network, I wish I could quit you. Anyway, Chef Spouse has the Chargers. "All their losses have been close, and 28-0 loss to the Chiefs means the Raiders have major flaws."

Bills at Cowboys: Bills. "It is a moral imperative. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I would beat the Cowboys (with a bat) for them. Or for anyone, really."

Titans at Panthers: Panthers. Chef Spouse likes Cam Newton, and has "faith in the future."

Steelers at Bengals: Steelers. "Because they're pissed." (This logic seems suspect to me, but hey, it was my decision to turn over the reins this week.)

Broncos at Chiefs: Chiefs. "Tebow flounders after big win over the Raiders."

Lions at Bears: Lions. Chef Spouse claims that he actually thinks the Lions are better, and that this has nothing to do with residual anger at the Bears. OOooooo-kay.

Redskins at Dolphins: Dolphins. Because "we're in the midst of the annual Redskins death spiral."

Rams at Browns: Browns.  "Records don't lie." At least not by week 10.

Saints at Falcons: Saints. Who dat!

Jaguars at Colts: "All the Jags against just Peyton Manning? Colts. Jags versus Manning-less Colts? Jags."

Texans at Buccaneers: Texans. "This is the year for the Texans - they'll win the division. Mark my words."

Ravens at Seahawks: Ravens. "Please. The Seahawks have NO chance. NONE."

Giants at 49ers: 49ers. Chef Spouse is still hoping the Eagles make the playoffs. Also, he still misses his boy David Akers.

Patriots at Jets: Jets. "Off momentum, plus it's hard to sweep a team in your division. Unless that team is the Colts...this year."

Vikings at Packers: Packers. "Juggernaut. The Packers know the Vikings, and they aren't going to lose against a rookie QB at home now."

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2010 Week 10 Recap

Eagles at Redskins, Monday, November 15, 2010

In attendance: On Sunday, me, Shoegal, and Chef Spouse's friend The Underwear Model (yes really, and he also looks a LOT like Mike Tomlin. Only younger and more ripped.)  MNF? Cool Web Dude, Hottie Web Chick's brother, Chef Spouse, me, and a sell-out crowd at FedEx Field.

Menu: chili, jalapeno cheese scones and margaritas. Shoegal brought salad fixin's so we'd have at least one really healthy thing.

Stud of the Week: Michael Vick. No contest. Threw for 4 TDs and over 300 yards, ran for 2 TDs and 80 yards. He was out of control good. Scary good (well, at least if you're a Redskin).  If you look up "off the hook" in the dictionary, you'll see his picture.

So I've been getting emails and texts all day to the effect of "I can't wait to see your recap of the game!"

Here it is:

Redskins get WHOMPED. Film at 11.
 
Seriously, what else is there to say?

Eagles first series? Well, it wasn't a series - it was one play, an 88 yard TD hookup between Vick and DeSean Jackson.

Redskins first series? Three and out.

Eagles first quarter? 4 TDs.

Redskins first quarter? No first downs.

As Cool Web Dude observed: the Redskins scored all their points in junk time. Which was pretty much the last 3 quarters of the game.

I don't know what happened, but the Eagles were BALLIN'.

Actually, I might know what happened (although I didn't see it, because it takes a million years to get anywhere in DC during rush hour, and it takes two million years to get to FedEx, so we just got to our seats in time to see the DJax TD) - apparently during warmups, there was some jawing and a little fracas that got the Eagles' dander up. So I think what we learned last night is that you don't want to see these guys pissed.

The other big story of the night was, of course, McNabb's new contract. Although additional details have come out at this point that make it not quite as jaw-dropping as it initially looked (they can cut him after this year and only own him another $3M in addition to his salary for the year), it is a clear demonstration of organizational schizophrenia. Two weeks ago, Kyle Shanahan benches him for Rex f-ing Grossman, Pops Shanahan spends two weeks coming up with increasingly implausible cover for Junior, then they write DMac a $78M "I'm sorry" check. Yeah, for Dan Snyder, that amounts to the change in the sofa cushions, but still, if you manage to figure out what the Redskins are up to, do let me know, because I don't have a clue. 

Around the rest of the NFL:

The System really let me down this week. In other news, there were a fair amount of upsets. Those two may be related. I only got 5 right. Yikes. I guess anyone can have an off week.

Falcons over Ravens: 9 times out of 10, if I offered you odds on the Ravens D being able to protect a lead with 1:05 left, you would be safe betting the mortgage on the Ravens. But not Thursday night. The big question now is whether or not they continue to be a dominant defense. It kills me when the Eagles let players go who are maybe just starting down the slope. But they do. And they don't end up with legends that are losing it. I'm looking at you, Ray Lewis.

Bills over Lions: Well, we knew they couldn't lose forever.

Bears over Vikings: I know I've been looking for this for a long time, but is it just me, or does Brett Favre look TOTALLY done at this point? Too bad he might take Brad Childress down with him. And he was a mess Sunday - three picks. Return of the old Brett. Not sure how dumping Randy Moss makes you better, particularly when you're #1 wideout is out for the season. And apparently someone forgot to remind the Vikings that it's still really not a great plan to kick to Devin Hester, particularly if your coverage team is completely asleep.

Jets over Browns: But it took overtime. Again. Finding a way to win is good. Taking a full extra quarter of football to do it week after week is not, particularly if you hope to go deep into the playoffs, which Rex's guys certainly do. The ESPN Sunday NFL Countdown team all gave their "bold" predictions for the second half of the season. I can't remember which one, but one of them (maybe Ditka?) predicted the Browns would win the AFC North. They certainly aren't as bad as their 3-6 record, but win the division? Well, it's certainly a bold prediction. One could also go with "crazy." Berman's "bold" pick? Same as always - Eagles in the Super Bowl.

Colts over Bengals: The Bengals may have Batman and Robin, but I guess that makes Peyton Manning The Joker. Or maybe Commissioner Gordon. Not 100% up on my Batman mythology. Anyhoodle, the Bengals are not good this year. The Colts aren't quite themselves either, but the Bengals just suck.

Jaguars over Texans: C'mon guys! You're killing me! Didn't you just hear me say that the Colts aren't as strong as usual? This could be your year. Only you have to actually win some games, for chrissakes!

Dolphins over Titans: Told you. Also, Randy Moss is, like, on the back of a milk carton at this point. I know all that moving around has to be confusing (literally - I'll bet he hasn't gotten his copy of GQ in months), but where did he go? The Dolphins are in trouble, though, as BOTH the Chads went down, leaving them with Tyler Thigpen. No, he's not retired. Yet. At least they had someone to go to - the Titans had to put an injured Vince Young back in because they've got a guy named "Rusty Smith" as their 3rd. Who? Exactly.

Buccaneers over Panthers: There are an awful lot of teams with decent records at this point (basically everyone bunched up at 6-3, which is a LOT of teams), and we're all sitting around going, "Yeah, but who have they beat?' The Bucs are one of those, but then again, this seems to be one of those years. Which means the playoffs should be wild.

Broncos over Chiefs: Just when I start believing in the Chiefs, they completely forget to show up. Maybe it's time to get on the Raiders' bandwagon? They are leading the division - for the moment.

Seahawks over Cardinals: Yawn. OT game? Still yawn. The NFC West also sucks.
 
Cowboys over Giants: As The Underwear Model (Who is also an Eagles fan. Did I mention that? He really is yummy...) observed, a Cowboys win helps the Eagles. I still couldn't root for them, but he's right. Unless of course, this either pisses off the Giants so much they stomp the Eagles next week and/or this is the beginning of a Cowboys' resurgence, just before the Eagles have to face them twice. But I'm hoping for the Cowboys are too far gone to save and this is the beginning of the Eagles resuming their rightful place at the top of the NFC East. I hope.

49ers over Rams: Remember that whole "NFC West sucks" thing? Applies here, too. Also, I think Alex Smith is done. Also, Sam Bradford, despite this loss, is still in contention for rookie of the year, at least in my book. I think the Rams have already won more games this season than about the last 3 years combined.

Patriots over Steelers: What happened to the Steelers? They completely fell apart - and in prime time. I initially ended this recap: "How embarrassing!" But after MNF, I'm guessing the Steelers are mostly thinking, "Thank GOD and Vince Lombardi we're not the Redskins!" today.

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Sunday Schedule: Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Eagles aren't playing until Monday night, and Chef Spouse will be working, but I'll still be watching football.

1 pm - Vikings at Bears

4 pm - Cowboys at Giants, aka The Beatdown

SNF - Patriots at Steelers

MFN - Eagles at Redskins. Have I mentioned we'll be going to the game?

Menu: well, I'm cooking, so I'm planning to make chili and cornbread. Bring something that will go with.

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2010 Week 10 Picks

Thursday night football already? I know the teams get a short week, but those guys get paid millions of dollars. What about us poor sports bloggers?

Speaking of, though, way to get the party started, NFL Network!  Ravens at Falcons! After the kind of crap matchups they've seemed to get in past years, I was almost expecting something like Cowboys v. Panthers. But this is a real game! That you want to watch! Pick? Below, after I talk about the really important issue:

Eagles at Redskins, MNF, it is ON.

Did you hear that there's a QB controversy? And it doesn't involve the Eagles? That by itself is enough to get to me to do The Happy Dance.

So do I think it's possible there's a racial angle? Sure, it's possible - Shanny's never worked with a black QB, and the Skins franchise doesn't have the best record on racial issues.  But I think it's FAR more likely that Pops is trying to save Junior's nepotistic ass. Because I'm a better QB than Rex Grossman. And I'm a 5' 5" 39 year old white woman.

But still, QB controversy that's NOT taking place in Philly is good by me. And did you hear that the Eagles are in first place in the "who gets Mike Vick" sweepstakes? More good news! Since I'm pretty sure we've all concluded that Kevin Kolb is not the future.

Also? I'm going to the game. 8th row endzone tickets, bitches! FedEx is a lousy stadium but since I'll practically be ON the field, I doubt I'll notice.

In case you forgot, when the Redskins faced the Eagles in Philly about a month ago, Mike Vick got pancaked, neither McNabb nor Kolb played brilliantly, and the Redskins ran ALL OVER the Linc.

And won.

This time? Turn about is fair play, y'all. Time to lose in YOUR home stadium. The System? TOTALLY with me on this one. Eagles all the way, baby!

In the rest of the matchups:

Ravens at Falcons: Possible Super Bowl preview? Maybe. And if it is, I predict it will have the same result as I'm seeing for tonight: Ravens win.

Jets at Browns: Jets. The Browns did shock the hell out of the Patriots - and everyone else in the football viewing, playing, and commentating world - but lightning isn't going to strike twice.
Texans at Jaguars: Texans. C'mon guys! You want to stay competitive with the Colts, right?

Bengals at Colts: To quote our former Preznit:  "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice...you can't fool me again." Actually, this one was clear. But I'm still bitter about being led astray on the whole Steelers thing last week. Colts.

Lions at Bills: Will the Bills go 0-16? Not sure, but I predict they WILL go 0-9. Lions.

Panthers at Buccaneers: Hm. The System says Panthers. Which when you look at the standings seems crazy. On the other hand, the Bucs have been feasting on a soft schedule. Panthers.

Vikings at Bears: Vikings. Sigh. Do you think if Brett Favre dies on the field, he'll finally retire? Or will they just hook up the Postmortem Biomechanics Set and turn him into a zombie? Actually, are we sure they haven't already done that?

Titans at Dolphins: Randy Moss is now a Titan. Chad Pennington is now the starting QB of the Dolphins, for the first time in over a year. In other words, everyone's probably a little rusty/unsure. But the Dolphins still have Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams, so the QB is probably fairly irrelevant. Dolphins.

Chiefs at Broncos:  Chiefs. Who would've thunk it 6 months ago?

Rams at 49ers: This is a close one, but The System gives a slight edge to the Rams. Will it be enough to offset homefield? We shall see, but I'm going with the Rams and Sam Bradford, who's having a terrific rookie year.

Cowboys at Giants: Giants. Duh. I picked that before I did the math, but The System agrees. The System also agrees that the Cowboys suck.

Seahawks at Cardinals: Seahawks, who welcome Matt Hasselbeck back, and not a moment too soon. Also? Worst Game of the Week. Great work as usual, NFC West.

Patriots at Steelers: Steelers. Also, what a great Sunday Night Football pairing!

On bye: Packers, Saints, Raiders, Chargers

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2009 Week 10 Recap

Eagles at Chargers, Sunday, November 15, 2009

In attendance: Chef Spouse, Shoegal, Fellow Eagles Maniac, Limin' ABD, and two nOObs - The Illustrated Geek and Prototypical Eagles Fan.

Menu: roast chicken, mashed potatoes, French green beans, glazed carrots. The oven conked out about 1 hour into the chicken, so we had to finish it on the grill, but it all worked out fine. Go, Chef Spouse! Prototypical Eagles Fan brought prosecco and a yummy chocolate tart, and Fellow Eagles Maniac brought some wine.

Stud: CLEARLY Jason Avant, who had a career day with 8 catches for 156 yards. Including the BEAUTIFUL catch in the photo to the right.

OK, I did call us to lose the game. But why do the Eagles have to torture me with ALMOST COMEBACKS? Do or do not - there is no try.

We did see more of why DMac has the best TD/INT ratio in NFL history. He had several almost picks various Chargers couldn't hang on to. Speaking of Chargers receptions, their receivers made plays. Ours, with the exception of Avant, didn't. In his 11th season, it probably ain't gonna happen, but maybe McNabb could take a little of the heat off? Just a thought.

Speaking of long careers, the smart money says that, after two concussions in 4 weeks and continuing problems with his ankle, Westy is done - not just this season, and not just as an Eagle. He's in his 8th season, he's a running back, he's been one of the keys to our offense since 2003, and he's just not that big. It's been a GREAT ride, man, and Philly will always be grateful.

At one point during the game, I was like, "Why is Macho Harris returning kicks?" Oh, that's right - season-ending neck injury for Ellis Hobbs. "Where is Joselio Hanson?" BS 4 game suspension. "Where's Jason Peters?" Oh - that ankle injury he sustained against the Cowboys was more serious than Big Red let on.

Speaking of Jason Peters, did you notice that we couldn't punch it in from the 1? That's on the O-line.

Also, why can't Asante Samuel tackle? Shouldn't they be able to hire a guy to show him how? Like maybe Curtis Lofton? And did you notice that he seems afraid of contact? Shades of Todd Pinkston?

Actually, there were few big plays from D all day, especially in the last 5 minutes. It was critical to stop the Chargers in a place where we'd get good offensive field position. Instead, the Chargers waltzed on down the field, scored another 3 (just to be on the safe side) and left our offense with about 30 seconds. You know when we win games? When the D comes up big with picks, fumbles, some points. You know when we lose games? When the D is quiet. Like the last two weeks. 31 points? Really?

And why didn't we run the ball at all? Oh right - those O-line problems. So of course Big 5 had a huge day - we had no other options than throw-throw-throw. 55 attempts and 450 yards? That is not good.

And the FREAKIN' PENALTIES! Apparently we're the 5th most penalized team in football. Now, we do have a lot of young guys, so some penalties are to be expected, but 5th most? That's just a lack of discipline. Not Raiders level lack of discipline. Not Rams level lack of discipline. No Chiefs level lack of discipline. But not good.

And what's Vick doing, other than standing around holding a clip board? I have a new theory - we plan to trade him for draft picks to some crap team that desperately needs a QB (see above RE: Raiders, Rams, Chiefs). Which is actually a really smart strategy, come to think of it.

But did we stick close to a 50/50 run/pass game? No. Did our D force turnovers? No. And we lost the game. Told you so.

Around the rest of the NFL...

49rs over Bears. Did I mention I called this? Did I mention that I REALLY want us to beat the Bears in prime time next Sunday? Did I mention that we don't do well in Chicago? Sigh.

Panthers over Falcons. Huh. Maybe Jake Delhomme *isn't* done after all.

Dolphins over Bucs. It looked like the Bucs were going to pick up another win, particularly after Ronnie Brown went out. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Speaking of Ronnie Brown and the wildcat...Dear NFL Coaches. Look around. Do you see Ronnie Brown in your locker room? No? Then drop the freakin' wildcat. Not gonna work for you.

Vikings over Lions. Well, sure.

Jags over Jets. Wow. How fast did the Jets drop from "sexy pick" to "sad pick"? Fast. Sometimes there's new coach and rookie QB magic (Harbaugh/Flacco, Smith/Ryan), and sometimes there's just not.

Bengals over Steelers. Told you. Limin' ABD reminded me of the old saw "2/3 of the world is covered by water - the rest is covered by Troy Polamalu." Not anymore. He tweaked that same knee again in the first series, went out, and the Steelers are in trouble. The only bummer? No Ochocinco TDs, which means no wacky celebration. Damn. Also, anyone for a Bengals/Saints Super Bowl? Speaking of the Saints...

Saints over Rams. The only shocker is that the Rams were even in it in the first place. Go, Spags!

Titans over Bills. 41-17. That's more the score I was expecting to see from Saints/Rams. Speaking of teams that need a new QB, wonder when Dick Jauron will be calling Big Red about Michael Vick?

Redskins over Broncos. This is the upset of the week. Big time. Great. Just as we start - uncharacteristically - struggling in the second half of the season, the Redskins start doing well. Or is this just the annual Broncos collapse, Wolverine be damned? What do you think, football fans?

Chiefs over Raiders. Whatever.

Cards over Seahawks. The Seahawks made it a game - for a while - but in the end, the Cardinals were just too good. Did I mention that Fitz is my secret NFC receiver boyfriend? Are you surprised? Have you SEEN his ass?

Packers over Cowboys. Yeah, BOYEE! Shoegal reminded me that I haven't called Roethlisberger "Groceries" in a while, and he's definitely been sacked plenty this season. You know who else has been sacked a lot? Aaron Rodgers. It's good to be young - he had enough left in the tank to beat the Cowboys even though he's spent more time on his ass on the ground than he has on his ass on the bench this season. Although, honestly, it was the Packers D who won that game. Go, Charles Woodson!

Colts over Pats. The game hype was all "rivalry of the decade." I disagree - I think the rivalry of the decade is the Eagles versus the entire NFC. How many different teams have we faced in the NFC Championship Game? Anyway, who would've figured Bill Belichick to have an Andy Reid-level mental meltdown in the last two minutes? Must've missed his latest payment of babies/kittens to Satan.

Is it worth holding the recap to talk about Ravens/Browns? Um, no. There is NO way the Ravens lose this game.

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2009 Week 10 Picks

This is a tough one to call. We really need it. The Chargers really need it. We're both at 5-3, running second in our respective divisions and definitely in the playoff hunt (if one can even talk about that as early as week 10). Total offense? We're ranked 15 - they're 17. Total defense? We're 10 - they're 11. DMac? #9 ranked QB. Know who's #10? Philip Rivers. They do have a pretty significant advantage when it comes to offensive line - they're 17, we're 23, but we're both in the bottom half of teams, and our QB is significantly more mobile than theirs. Oddly enough, they hold the advantage on passing, and we do on rushing. (Good job, Andy and Marty!) We hold a significant advantage in take-aways - #2 versus #12. Their pass defense is #5, we're #12. Our rushing defense is #10 (really? check us out!), while theirs is #26 (ouch!).

So what does that all mean? Diddly. We don't have a good record going west (see below re: Raiders game). If Marty & Andy can stick close to a 50/50 rush/pass balance AND our D can pick off Philip Rivers (and he has thrown 6 INTs so far this season), maybe. But I think the Chargers are going to win this one.

Bears/49ers. I know the game's already taken place, but I did call the 49ers - I swear! The cab dropped me off from the airport just before kickoff, and one of the first topics of conversation was the game. Chef Spouse was all, "This should be an easy one for the Bears," and I was like, "No way! 49ers have this one!" And I was right! Jay Cutler may not be the problem (jury's still out), but with 5 picks last night alone, 2 in the red zone, he's definitely not the solution.

Falcons/Panthers. The Panthers have been looking less pathetic in the past few weeks than they did in the first month of the season. But they're not that much improved. They still have Jake Delhomme under center. Falcons.

Bucs/Dolphins. Dolphins. Hope the Bucs enjoyed that 1 game winning streak.

Lions/Vikings. Is there a mercy rule in the NFL, where if one team is ahead by, like , 50 points, they call the game? Because if there isn't, this game will demonstrate why there should be. Vikings.

Jets/Jaguars. Jets. Like I said, poor Maurice Jones-Drew should really get himself to a good team before his career is over. Most running backs make it about 5 years before they really start to decline (see Westbrook, Brian). He's in his 4th season. Just sayin'.

Bengals/Steelers. I am SOOOO looking forward to this game! I know the Steelers are my AFC team, but just last week I jumped on the Bengals bandwagon. I guess that means I'm calling Bengals.

Saints/Rams. You know what I said about the mercy rule above? If the Vikings whupping of the Lions doesn't argue convincingly for it, this game will. Ouch. Saints. Who will probably score 1,265,493 points. Before halftime.

Bills/Titans. The Titans finally seem like they might be getting their groove on. Also, it's hard to pick TO's team anytime except when they play the Pats. Titans.

Broncos/Redskins. Oh God. Yet another game that will require the invocation of the Snarkin' the NFL Mercy Rule. Broncos. Do you think Jim Zorn will quit in disgust right on the field before the end of the game?

Chiefs/Raiders. Worst Game of the Week. I'm picking the Raiders, but honestly, who cares?

Seahawks/Cardinals. Divisional games are always wacky, the teams know each other really well, as do the coaches, any given team any given Sunday, blah blah blah, yackity smackity. Cardinals.

Cowboys/Packers. Oh, I so wish the Packers would take this one, but I really don't think they're going to. Cowboys (you have NO idea how much it pains me to type that).

Patriots/Colts. Go Colts! Go to 9-0! Beat the Pats! I actually think they will. Peyton Manning is on f-ing fire this season. Colts.

Ravens/Browns. I know I already said this, but why the hell are the Browns on Monday Night Football? Seriously. Ravens. Also, don't bother to watch this game. It's going to SUCK.

On bye: Texans, Giants (who, on a 4 game losing streak, have been grounded and had their X-boxes confiscated)

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Sunday Schedule: November 15, 2009

I know, I know - I'm running a little late here. Business trip to Chicago got me all off schedule. It's the battle of two good teams that are really, really hard to predict. What I know is that we really, really need this win. Unfortunately, so do the Chargers.

TNF: Bears/49ers. Also, if you're just checking in now, you missed it.
1 pm: Redskins, schmedskins. We're watching Bengals/Steelers, yo!
4 pm: Eagles/Chargers
8 pm: Colts/Pats. Also, possibly a preview of the AFC Championship game. Which is pretty much potentially true every year with these two.
MNF: Ravens/Browns. Whose bonehead idea was it to put the Browns on Monday Night Football?

Menu: Chef Spouse says roast chicken, mashed potatoes, and a vegetable or two yet to be identified. Bring something that will go with!

Finally, in other AFC North news, the NFL has fined Ocho Cinco $20K for his $1 bribe joke (and thanks to Shoegal for the heads up). "No ma'am, we at the NFL have no sense of humor that we are aware of."

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