2012 Divisional Weekend Picks

The AFC games are obvious this weekend. Seeing as I'm about 99.87% sure the Broncos are headed to the Super Bowl (kick-ass defense and a reinvigorated Peyton Manning, anyone?), I think *this* will be the last game of Ray Lewis's career. And while the Texans are solid on D, too, I don't think they're solid enough to overcome the Tom Brady-bot at home, particularly since Matt Schaub is shaky in playoff games, and they're playing in Foxborough. I'm going Broncos and Pats, as, I suspect, is the entire rest of the NFL game picking world.

The NFC, on the other hand, seems not nearly as clear. The Seahawks and the Redskins, on the offensive side of the ball at least, are similar teams, and I thought for sure that homefield and the Skins strong run defense would carry the day last weekend. I did not foresee that the field at FedEx would look like a hog waller, that RGIII would re-injure his knee in the first quarter, and that Shanny would then inexplicably not take him out of the game, certainly costing the Skins the game and perhaps costing RGIII the 2013 season. This has been an interesting week to be a follower of the NFL here in DC.

Anyway, returning to this weekend's games, as Chef Spouse is fond of pointing out, the Falcons are the #1 ranked team in the NFC and no one gives them any respect. Including me, apparently, because I'm picking the Seahawks.

Turning to the 49ers/Packers matchup, the big story has been the first meeting of the 2005 draft class quarterbacks. Except, of course, that Colin Kaepernick is starting for the 49ers. And, Aa-Rodg magic aside, I think he and their stout defense are going to carry the 49ers to the NFC Championship game.

Of course, if I'm right about all this, we're looking at a VERY interesting conference championship weekend, with Peyton versus Tom, part I don't even know how many, and, in the NFC, division rivals meeting for a shot at the Super Bowl.

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2011 Divisional Weekend Picks

Broncos at Patriots: aka Jesus versus Satan, the Sequel. Even though he won last time, I'm still putting my money on Dr. Evil and his Yankee henchmen. Hey, I tend to root for the bad guy all the time - just ask Chef Spouse. Pats.

Texans at Ravens: I know just last week I realized I should've stuck with my former Team of Destiny, but unless they manage to bring all 70,000 Texans fans with them to M&T Bank Stadium - and I think the Ravens fans might have something to say about that - I think they're in trouble this week. Ravens.

Giants at Packers: The Giants are the popular upset pick in my office football pool (no cash at stake, just smack talking/bragging rights). I'm thinking "rested" not "rusty" though, and I'm going with the Packers.

Saints at 49ers: This is my upset pick. I'm going with the 49ers. The Saints are mortal away from the Superdome and their fan base. If offense wins games while defense wins championships...and if all else fails, the 49ers have their secret weapon, Chef Spouse's boy David Akers. Who can onside kick like nobody's business and, apparently, throw TDs in a pinch.

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2011 Wildcard Weekend Recap

Texans over Bengals: The Bengals started strong, looked like they had it in the first half. But they had the proverbial uncapitalized opportunities, and by the second half, homefield advantage was kicking in in a big way. The Texans' fans were going nuts non-stop for 3 1/2 hours, and the Bengals eventually succumbed. Well, to the fans and to Arian Foster's 150+ yards on the ground. Realistically, neither of these teams was going to go far, but congratulations on your first playoff win, former Team of Destiny. Clearly, I should've kept the faith.

Saints over Lions: As expected. Did you notice the game was poorly officiated? Because it was SO poorly officiated, the NFL has officially admitted they blew the fumble/fumble recovery call towards the end of the first half. You can argue that, given the eventual score, that 7 points didn't really matter. Or did it? Momentum is a tricky thing. Not that I'm sad that the Saints won or anything, but you do really hope that the zebras will bring their BEST effort to the playoffs, not their worst.

Giants over Falcons: Also as expected. Eli was good Eli - which he's been more than not this season - and where in the hell did that run game come from? That may be the true miracle this season. I expected the Giants to win, but holding the Falcons to only a safety? Wow. The Falcons helped by making poor choices on going for it on 4th and short. Those were the sorriest excuses for QB sneaks I've ever seen, but they were representative of the fact that the Falcons O-line was getting NO push at all on the Giants D-line all day. Dear Mike Smith: wishing doesn't make it so.

Broncos over Steelers: I'm still stunned about this one. When did Tim Tebow turn into John Elway? I'm sure I saw Elway in a suit in one of the luxury suites. Then again, it was TV...Tebow's mechanics are still cringe-worthy (even for someone like me who's never played the game herself), but when did he start becoming a down the field passing threat? Ben's inability to move and the other injuries the Steelers were dealing with clearly hurt them big time, too. Is it real? Guess we'll know next week in Foxborough. So was I the only person who noticed that Ron Winter didn't seem to quite understand the new playoff game overtime rules? Because that long explanation he gave before the coin toss made NO sense. I guess it was a good thing it wasn't necessary to deploy them, because I'm not confident the officiating crew would've known what was what.

So all the home teams won this weekend. Will that hold next week? We'll see...

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2011 Wildcard Weekend Picks

Bengals at Texans: neither team comes in exactly lighting it up, but the Texans remind me of season 4 Buffy the Vampire Slayer. For those few fools who weren't fans (what's wrong with you, btw?), the basic plot was that an evil government entity was trying to put together a race of half human/half demon warriors, a la Dr. Frankenstein. One of the creatures begins running amuck, as these sorts of creatures often do, and plots to lure Buffy into the demon containment facility that's guarded by soldiers. His plan is to incite a riot while she's there and for her to kill enough demons (her destined calling) to even the human/demon body count (thus providing plenty of construction materials) until she's too weak to continue. That's pretty much where the Texans are at this point. Also, in their last matchup in week 14, the Texans won (their last win, for what it's worth). And it's hard to beat a team twice in a row. Bengals. Which they should savor, since it will be their last playoff win this year.

Steelers at Broncos: Of course, by that logic, I should pick the Broncos, because the Steelers are one beaten down mess at this point. But I just can't see the Broncos pulling this off. The Steelers are too smart - and too good on D. And Tim Tebow's 15 minutes seems almost up. Steelers.

Falcons at Giants: I'm really tempted to take the Falcons here, and they do have a marginally better record. But even with the other problems the Giants have these days, and they are many, Eli Manning has a hot hand going into the playoffs, and Victor Cruz can turn a 5 yard dump off pass into a 90+ yard TD at any moment, and to me, that says that the Falcons, even though they have a well-ranked D, are in trouble. Also, they are not so good on the road. Giants.

Lions at Saints: Oh Lions. Lions Lions Lions. I hate to say "I told you so" but I told you to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to hang onto the 5th seed. Did you listen to me? Noooooo. Will you regret it? Yeeeeeessss. About the time you realize that not only can't you hear each other in the huddle, but the Superdome is rocking so hard you can't even use hand signals. The Saints don't lose at home, baby. Saints.

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2009 Week 16 Recap

Eagles v. Broncos, Sunday, December 27, 2009

In attendance: the regular crew - Chef Spouse, Shoegal, Ex-Navy Cheesehead

Menu: sauerbraten, which turned out OK if a little dry, Spaaten Octoberfest, red cabbage, homemade soft pretzels, pizzelles

Stud of the Week: David Akers, who made a totally clutch kick to win the game. Poo-poohing a 28 yard field goal? Shaun Suisham is now a Cowboy because he couldn't make a field goal from that distance. The Saints lost this week because their kicker couldn't make a field goal from about that distance. Big shout out to Jeremy Maclin, too, who made the clutch catch that set up the field goal. And to Jason Avant. He doesn't get a lot of balls thrown his way. But every catch he makes is important. He's so clutch that when you look up "clutch" in the dictionary, there's a picture of his cute, balding self.

We have an agreement Chez Snark: when things are going badly enough that I'm swearing like a sailor and/or hitting the tequila shots, I voluntarily remove myself to the kitchen so that the rest of the people here can continue to enjoy the game. Things got so bad, between the bad officiating and our bad play, that I had to take myself UPSTAIRS. Away from TVs. Away from the game. There was much slamming of doors. It wasn't pretty.

Philly.com says we can't complain about officiating. Really? Are you nuts? I can complain. Complaint #1: taking away the Patterson TD on the Broncos first series even though Kyle Orton clearly threw a lateral. Complaint #2: the RIDICULOUS unnecessary roughness penalty on Macho Harris that basically took away Asante Samuel's pick and handed the Broncos 7 points. So a 14 point swing (between the two plays) due to bad officiating.

Can we start the "I Hate Mike Carey's Zebra Team" club? I'll be president. Even Chef Spouse, normally someone who sees only the good in people, noted that they're nit-pickers who apply it inconsistently. Look, if you want to make sure the game stays close so that the network doesn't switch games (hello, Panthers/Giants) and deny people the glory of your Mr. Roboto officiating signals, at least own up to it.

Let's see - what else? DMac was hot - then cold - then hot, including a big-time 27-yard scramble. Westy didn't have a big day, but he played and didn't get another concussion, and Dawk got away with MURDER blanketing him on a big pass play on our first offensive possession. Celek had a big day. Peanut did not. Contrary to popular opinion, it *is* possible to overthrow him. Although it's not easy. Avant and Maclin, I discussed above. Up & down day on D. The Broncos were without Eddie Royal and then Brandon Stokley got himself ejected and Buck got himself hurt. And we still needed a clutch kick in the final seconds to win the game. I expected better.

Even more bad news? Jamal Jackson's out with a torn ACL. Great. Just before the playoffs. And he was, I think, the only constant on our offensive line this year. Well, until now.

One thing to remember: we're already in the playoffs (although it sure would be nice to win the NFC East and potentially move up to the #2 spot in the NFC). The Broncos were playing for their playoff lives. They had a lot more to lose, and got a major momentum swing with 14 points in about 27 seconds. And we hung tough and won. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't nice, it wasn't nearly as easy at it looked like it would be when it was 27-10. But we stuck it out and won.

Around the rest of the NFL...

Chargers over Titans. Well, I was right about that part. I was wrong about the "good game" part. In the 3rd quarter, we couldn't take it any more and switched over to TBS's 24 hours of "A Christmas Story." "You'll shoot your eye out!" You know who has the best winning streak in the NFL? Chargers at 10. You know who has the second best winning streak in the NFL? Eagles at 6!

Falcons over Bills. On Monday Night Countdown, they pointed out that, if they can beat Tampa next week, the Falcons have the chance to have their first back to back winning seasons in their 40 year + history. Ouch.

Bengals over Chiefs. By only a TD. Yeah, the Bengals may have won the AFC North this year, but guarantee they're going down early in the playoffs.

Browns over Raiders. Did you know that the Raiders made more appearances on "C'mon Man!" than any other team this year? Did you know that about 1/2 of their appearances were a result of two defenders running into each other and letting the opposing receiver run free? C'mon man, indeed.

Packers over Seahawks. What has happened to Matt Hasselbeck? Bet TJ Housh wishes he'd gone anywhere else. How does Jim Mora keep getting hired?

Texans over Dolphins. Told you! Not that the Texans are going to the playoffs this year - yes, I realize they're not officially out of it yet, but they're out of it. But neither are the Dolphins. Man, am I bad at pre-season picking the AFC divisions.

Steelers over Ravens. OK, the Ravens GAVE that game away. It should've been about 52-23 in the Ravens favor. I would've said they'd get into the playoffs and go far, but not after this game. Ed Reed was out, but they were penalized for over 100 yards and gave away two TDs. Sad. Speaking of sad...

Panthers over Giants. Did the Giants not understand that their playoff hopes depended on winning out? What a disaster. The game was being played on one of the local networks and they cut it off and switched to Saints/Bucs because it was so bad. You know, we lost our final game at the Vet. The Cowboys lost their final game at Texas Stadium. Anyone know about the Redskins and RFK? Seems like a pattern here.

Pats over Jags. Another team that's not going to make the playoffs. Also, the Pats are getting hot at the right time. Be afraid.

Bucs over Saints. WTF? Seriously. I think the Saints peaked too soon. Losing to the Cowboys, who are playing better this December than they have in a really long time, is one thing. But the Bucs are - now - 3-12. That's just painful. OK, divisional games can get wacky and whatnot. But the Saints still should've put the Bucs away. They were playing their starters for God's sake!

Cards over Rams. Speaking of putting away bad teams...did you know that all the Rams have to do to score the #1 pick is lose to the 49ers next week? Hell, for that, throw the game. Not that anyone would be able to distinguish that from the way the Rams usually play.

49ers over Lions. Well, sure, but neither team has anything to play for, so who cares?

Jets over Colts. OK, so there's been the big continuing debate about whether the Colts should risk injury in pursuit of the perfect season, or whether they should start resting people. Obviously, Jim Caldwell decided to rest people. And the Jets are still vying for a playoff spot, so not the Colts not giving their best effort is even doucheyer. And the Colts have been down this road before - wrapping up early, resting people, going down in the first round of the playoffs. Usually to the Chargers. That won't happen this year, since the Chargers have the #2 spot in the AFC, but I'll bet that the Colts go down early.

Cowboys over Redskins. Talk about a bad game. I went to bed at the end of the 3rd quarter. The Redskins are a freakin' disaster. I thought I'd seen the worst with that dumb swinging gate play against the Giants last week. Nope. The Skins didn't win a SINGLE divisional game this year. Good luck to you, Bruce Allen. You're going to need it. Also, the Cowboys have no idea how to psych up on the sidelines. Check it out:



You want to psych up? Learn from the Master, Grasshopper:



And on MNF, the Vikings are doing everything they can to give away the game. Let's see if the Bears can pick up what they're putting down, and help us move into the #2 spot.

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Sunday Schedule: December 27, 2009

Playoff spot secured, now we're gunning for the NFC East and possibly the #2 spot in the NFC if the Vikings can keep screwing up. Bonus? Life-long Eagles Fan Mom and You-Two-Calm-Down-or-I'm-Turning-Off-the-TV Dad will be in town for the weekend and the game!

FNF (aka "Christmas"): Chargers/Titans

1 pm: Panthers/Giants
4 pm: Eagles/Broncos. Welcome back, Wolverine. Too bad you're going to lose.
8 pm: Cowboys/Redskins

MNF: Bears/Vikings

Menu: we'll make another go at the sauerbraten and red cabbage, and I'll whip up some more of the soft pretzels I tested out this weekend (they got the Chef Spouse seal of approval). And there will be cookies galore, because I made a few batches during the Snowpocalypse, and I'm sure the 'rents will bring some with. Someone bring us something healthy, please! And perhaps some good German beer or wine?

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2009 Week 16 Picks

Westy's back! Merry Christmas Eagles fans! Chef Spouse may get to hear his 3 favorite words this weekend: "Westbrook breaks free!"

Wolverine will be back, too. Miss you much, baby. Too bad your team is gonna lose.

Yes, Eagles fans, we are in the middle of our annual December romp into the playoffs. If we can pull off the win over the Broncos at the Linc this Sunday (likely), and the Redskins can pull off the upset over the Cowboys (highly unlikely, as you'll realize if you happened to see any of Monday night's disaster), we can wrap up the NFC East. You know what's funny? We could go 11-5 and be the #5 seed if we lose to Dallas on January 3 (quick, somebody knock on some goats or sacrifice some wood....wait....). In the meantime, 9-7 would win the West. No justice, man.

Anyway, back to this week: the Broncos started hot, at 6-0, had a bye, and have only won 2 games since then, losing to the Steelers, the Ravens, the Redskins, the Chargers, the Colts, and the Raiders, and beating only the Jets and the Chiefs. I can't talk smack about losing to the Raiders (sigh), but I could beat the Chiefs. All by myself. And while the Chargers and Colts are clearly very good teams, the Steelers and Ravens aren't living up to expectations this year. And the Skins? C'mon man!

What this game comes down to is that I don't think the Broncos will be able to shut down our offense - particularly at home - and I don't think they can score enough points to keep up with us. Fly, Eagles, fly!

On the increasingly-poorly-named Thursday Night football Friday night edition (Why don't they call it what it really is? Not Monday Night Football), the Chargers haven't lost in December pretty much since the powder blue throwbacks weren't throwbacks. I don't anticipate they'll have too much trouble with the Titans. But at least it should be a good game. Chargers.

Bengals/Chiefs. Bengals. Even if poor OchoCinco is too sad to play.

Bills/Falcons. Both teams are playing for nothing but pride at this point. Falcons, completing their sweep of AFC teams in New York.

Seahawks/Packers. Look for the Packers to rebound from their disappointing last minute loss to the Steelers and whup up on the Seahawks pathetic butts. Michael Wilbon recently observed that Jim Zorn will definitely get hired again after lil' Danny Snyder FINALLY fires him. Evidence? Look what's happened to Matt Hasselbeck since he left Seattle. True dat, knucklehead.

Texans/Dolphins. This should be a good game. Both teams are technically still not eliminated from the wildcard race. Team of Destiny? You bet I'm picking the Texans.

Ravens/Steelers. Ravens. Polamalu's still out, and the Steelers are NOT the same team without him.

Panthers/Giants. Think the Panthers can pull off another upset? Me neither. Giants.

Jaguars/Patriots. The Jags are also still in the playoff hunt. Won't matter. Pats.

Raiders/Browns. Really? Raiders/Browns? Ouch. Dear NFL: do us all a favor and blackout this game. EVERYWHERE. Raiders. Or whatever.

Buccaneers/Saints. Speaking of teams avenging a disappointing loss...Saints.

Rams/Cardinals. It's really not fair that there are NO other teams in the West at or better than .500. Cardinals. Who are totally feasting on an easy schedule. Again. Bastards.

Lions/49ers. Another game that NO ONE will be watching. 49ers. Which is a shame, because the Lions have really shown some stones this year.

Jets/Colts. The Colts will probably lose eventually. But not this week. Colts.

Cowboys/Redskins. I would LOVE to convince myself that the Skins can pull off the upset. Unfortunately, I watched Monday Night Football. Which means it's all coming down to week 17 in the NFC East. At least it will be exciting. Cowboys.

Bears/Vikings. Speaking of upsets I'd love to convince myself will happen...yeah, there's no way. Jay Cutler's punkosity is revealing itself more from day to day. Vikings. Damn it.

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