2009 Week 17 Recap

Eagles at Cowboys, Sunday, January 3, 2010

In attendance: Chef Spouse, Shoegal, Ex-Navy Cheesehead. And sweet, sweet booze. Thank God.

Menu: ham, scalloped potatoes, veg casserole. And did I mention the booze?

Stud of the week: Am I allowed to pick no one? Life-Long Eagles Fan Mom pointed out that the only good thing the Philly sportscasters could say about the game was: "Sav Rocca wasn't bad." Oy. Also, Asante Samuel tipped a pass that Joselio Hanson came down with. We did nothing with it but waste a timeout lining up for a punt, but it was pretty much the only highlight of the game.

As You-Two-Calm-Down-or-I'm-Turning-Off-the-TV Dad pointed out, we should probably issue an APB for the Eagles. Who were those guys in the green jerseys yesterday, and what did they do with our team?

We literally could not do a single thing right. The line couldn't protect McNabb. When they did, receivers couldn't get open. When they did, McNabb couldn't get the ball to them. When he did, they couldn't catch it. When they did, they couldn't move the chains.

For chrissakes, Andy Reid decided to go for the 53 yard field goal rather than going for it on 4-2 on the Cowboys 35. And Akers MISSED.

Maclin ran the wrong route at least twice on key plays. "5 and Dime" turned into "keep the change" as McNabb did the impossible, overthrowing Peanut. Twice. We had ONE red zone possession. In the ENTIRE game. And a bad Nick Cole snap led to a fumble that poor O-line play didn't even allow Big5 time to pick up.

And why weren't we blitzing more? Our D let us get way too far behind in the first half. Then we dumped the run entirely and everyone tried to do too much every single offensive play in the second half. There was no "Catch ball --> secure ball --> try to get some YAC --> try to move the sticks." No, it became, "I HAVE TO SCORE A TD ALL BY MYSELF RIGHT NOW ON THIS PLAY NOWNOWNOW!" for everyone.

Did they not understand that we were supposed to WIN THIS week so we could REST NEXT week? Did the Cowboys training staff sneakily mix up our Gatorade with vodka rather than water? I'm not usually one to blame the coaches - it's the players who are on the field needing to, you know, MAKE PLAYS - but when the ENTIRE team shows up completely unready to play, that's on the coaches. Who have 6 days to pull their heads out of their asses and figure this thing out.

Now, instead of getting to chill while watching the Vikings beat the Cowboys over mai tais in the Akers' rumpus room, we have to go BACK to Dallas and do it ourselves.

At least we don't have to worry that the Cowboys have already seen all our good stuff, since they've seen NONE of our good stuff. Hell, we could complete a screen pass for 5 yards, and the Cowboys would be like, "Where did THAT come from?" Ah well, as Chef Spouse pointed out, at least none of our guys cried.

Around the rest of the NFL...

Bills over Colts. Told you. Also, how awesome was it to watch Blizzard Bowl 2010? Also, Peyton Manning's looked like he's snacking on ground glass on the sidelines the past two weeks. Sure, 16-0 was meaningless. RIIIIIIGHT. The Colts are going down in the first playoff game - as usual. You read it here first.

Panthers over Saints. OK, they didn't play their starters, and the Cowboys are tougher than we thought (thinking back to their first lost game). I still think the Saints peaked too early and will also lose their first playoff game. Which means it's really a bugger that we're not sitting at #2 and looking ahead to hosting the NFC Championship Game in an outdoor stadium in the northeast in January as God intended.

Browns over Jags. Man, it's too bad I skipped the office football pool this week - I was on a roll. Well, other than that whole Eagles/Cowboys debacle.

Texans over Pats. The big news from this game, other than the Texans having their first winning season EVER, is that the Pats have likely lost Wes Welker for the playoffs. Yeah, they weren't going to the show this year anyway.

Vikings over Giants. Life-Long Eagles Fan asked me today, "What do you think happened to the Giants this year?" Two things: no Plax and no Spags. And Bill Sheridan's already been fired.

49ers over Rams. "And with the #1 pick in the 2010 NFL draft, the St. Louse Rams choose..." Well, since they need EVERYTHING, really anyone would be a good choice. But if it were up to me, I'd take Ndamukong Suh.

Falcons over Bucs. The Falcons just pulled off their first back-to-back winning seasons EVER. Ponder that for a minute if you need something to talk you down off the ledge after 24-0.

Steelers over Dolphins. Well, it's a good thing the Dolphins are out of the playoffs because they are completely out of quarterbacks. Good timing, I guess.

Bears over Lions. Oh yeah, Jay Cutler can kick ass. When it doesn't matter. Whose decision was it to get him again? GM Jerry Angelo? Black Monday's usually for coaches, but....

Chiefs over Broncos. How the hell do you roll over for the CHIEFS at HOME with the playoffs on the line? Also, Brandon Marshall's probably gone.

Ravens over Raiders. When it became clear that there was no way we had any chance of getting our shit together, I tried to convince Chef Spouse to switch us over to this game, which was close and hard fought and also had playoff implications. I was unsuccessful and had to suffer through our ENTIRE game. What good is the Sunday Ticket if I can't use it to avoid having to watch a 3 hour train wreck?

Titans over Seahawks. The only interesting thing about this game is that Chris Johnson went over 2,000 yards for the season, becoming only the 6th player in history to do so.

Chargers over Redskins. Even without their starters. Ouch.

Packers over Cardinals. Yeesh.

Jets over Bengals. Another shut out leading to another wildcard weekend rematch. And even though the Bengals starters played, I'm still pissed that the Jets were even in consideration because the Colts took last week off. It's totally unfair. I hope the Bengals kill 'em next week.