Sunday Schedule: Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Eagles aren't playing until Monday night, and Chef Spouse will be working, but I'll still be watching football.

1 pm - Vikings at Bears

4 pm - Cowboys at Giants, aka The Beatdown

SNF - Patriots at Steelers

MFN - Eagles at Redskins. Have I mentioned we'll be going to the game?

Menu: well, I'm cooking, so I'm planning to make chili and cornbread. Bring something that will go with.

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2010 Week 10 Picks

Thursday night football already? I know the teams get a short week, but those guys get paid millions of dollars. What about us poor sports bloggers?

Speaking of, though, way to get the party started, NFL Network!  Ravens at Falcons! After the kind of crap matchups they've seemed to get in past years, I was almost expecting something like Cowboys v. Panthers. But this is a real game! That you want to watch! Pick? Below, after I talk about the really important issue:

Eagles at Redskins, MNF, it is ON.

Did you hear that there's a QB controversy? And it doesn't involve the Eagles? That by itself is enough to get to me to do The Happy Dance.

So do I think it's possible there's a racial angle? Sure, it's possible - Shanny's never worked with a black QB, and the Skins franchise doesn't have the best record on racial issues.  But I think it's FAR more likely that Pops is trying to save Junior's nepotistic ass. Because I'm a better QB than Rex Grossman. And I'm a 5' 5" 39 year old white woman.

But still, QB controversy that's NOT taking place in Philly is good by me. And did you hear that the Eagles are in first place in the "who gets Mike Vick" sweepstakes? More good news! Since I'm pretty sure we've all concluded that Kevin Kolb is not the future.

Also? I'm going to the game. 8th row endzone tickets, bitches! FedEx is a lousy stadium but since I'll practically be ON the field, I doubt I'll notice.

In case you forgot, when the Redskins faced the Eagles in Philly about a month ago, Mike Vick got pancaked, neither McNabb nor Kolb played brilliantly, and the Redskins ran ALL OVER the Linc.

And won.

This time? Turn about is fair play, y'all. Time to lose in YOUR home stadium. The System? TOTALLY with me on this one. Eagles all the way, baby!

In the rest of the matchups:

Ravens at Falcons: Possible Super Bowl preview? Maybe. And if it is, I predict it will have the same result as I'm seeing for tonight: Ravens win.

Jets at Browns: Jets. The Browns did shock the hell out of the Patriots - and everyone else in the football viewing, playing, and commentating world - but lightning isn't going to strike twice.
Texans at Jaguars: Texans. C'mon guys! You want to stay competitive with the Colts, right?

Bengals at Colts: To quote our former Preznit:  "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice...you can't fool me again." Actually, this one was clear. But I'm still bitter about being led astray on the whole Steelers thing last week. Colts.

Lions at Bills: Will the Bills go 0-16? Not sure, but I predict they WILL go 0-9. Lions.

Panthers at Buccaneers: Hm. The System says Panthers. Which when you look at the standings seems crazy. On the other hand, the Bucs have been feasting on a soft schedule. Panthers.

Vikings at Bears: Vikings. Sigh. Do you think if Brett Favre dies on the field, he'll finally retire? Or will they just hook up the Postmortem Biomechanics Set and turn him into a zombie? Actually, are we sure they haven't already done that?

Titans at Dolphins: Randy Moss is now a Titan. Chad Pennington is now the starting QB of the Dolphins, for the first time in over a year. In other words, everyone's probably a little rusty/unsure. But the Dolphins still have Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams, so the QB is probably fairly irrelevant. Dolphins.

Chiefs at Broncos:  Chiefs. Who would've thunk it 6 months ago?

Rams at 49ers: This is a close one, but The System gives a slight edge to the Rams. Will it be enough to offset homefield? We shall see, but I'm going with the Rams and Sam Bradford, who's having a terrific rookie year.

Cowboys at Giants: Giants. Duh. I picked that before I did the math, but The System agrees. The System also agrees that the Cowboys suck.

Seahawks at Cardinals: Seahawks, who welcome Matt Hasselbeck back, and not a moment too soon. Also? Worst Game of the Week. Great work as usual, NFC West.

Patriots at Steelers: Steelers. Also, what a great Sunday Night Football pairing!

On bye: Packers, Saints, Raiders, Chargers

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2010 Week 9 Recap

Eagles v. Colts, Sunday, November 7, 2010

In attendance: Chef Spouse, Shoegal (after a month's absence), Ex-Navy Cheesehead, two nOObs who are good friends but only made it for the first half of the game and have to at least hit a full game before they get named.

Menu: roast chicken, French style green beans, potatoes with butter and garlic, really good wine, chocolate chip cookies.

Stud of the week: Asante Samuel, who picked off Peyton Manning twice. Peyton only has four INTs on the season. And, less obviously but more importantly, Asante shut down Pierre Garcon. Kurt Coleman gets a shout-out too for being a gentleman about a BS "penalty."

This was an all-out team effort. Mike Vick was impressive, throwing for a TD, running for a TD, and racking up nearly 300 yards in total offense, also taking him within about 25 yards of overtaking Steve Young to go to #2 behind Randall Scramble on the all-time rushing list for QBs. LeSean had almost 100 yards and DeSean had over 100 yards. Maclin added another 50. Akers hit everything.

And our D. Well, let's talk about that for a minute. I was FLIPPING out about the bad officiating. Chef Spouse was all "calm down." HELLS no. During the Packers' shellacking of the Cowboys, I popped over to Blogging the Boys to see how the fans were taking it (unprintably not well, for the record), and COWBOYS FANS were talking about how the Eagles had gotten totes screwed on the officiating. When your biggest rivals are all, "Dude! That's not fair!" you know you're getting wrecked. It was epic. There's bad calls, and then there's bad calls that hands the Colts 14 points.

Austin Collie? Yeah, I'm sorry he got knocked out, and I'm glad he's OK, but he caught the ball, started running, got hit, coughed it up, and Quintin Mikell recovered and took off. Or not. Maybe you give the ball back to the Colts, who go on to score. And Trent Cole BRUSHING PEYTON MANNING'S HELMET?!? C'mon man! I'm sorry he's such a little girl that he gets upset if you muss his hair, but give me an f'ing break. Not only was it 4th down, which would've produced a turnover on downs, but Peyton then fumbled and once again, the Eagles recovered. Or not. Once again, maybe you give the ball back to the Colts, who SCORE AGAIN. Are we sure this team of zebras hadn't bet on the game?

Andy's now a perfect 12-0 after the bye. So clearly, if he's got two weeks to get the team ready for any opponent, he's unstoppable. Hm...what if all the teams played every other week? Between that and a proposed 18 game season, we could have football nearly year-round! Who's with me?

Oh - and that Sunday Night Football matchup with the Giants in two weeks? Epic. Can I get an "amen"?

Around the rest of the NFL...

I'm 10-2 on this week so far. Love The System. The System is the boss of you.

Falcons over Buccaneers: OK, so there's 5-2 and then there's 5-2. (Well, actually, now there's 6-2 and 5-3.) The Bucs are a nice story this year, but their schedule's about to get a lot tougher.

Ravens over Dolphins: One of my misses this week, and it wasn't even close. The Dolphins looked completely out of sorts all day long. Chad Henne threw 3 picks, and the Fins were only able to rush for about 20 yards in the entire second half. Not pretty.

Bears over Bills: The thing about the Bills is that they're mostly not getting blown out this year (other than the Jets and Packers, of course), but they just can't seem to win games. 0-8 is U-G-L-Y.

Saints over Panthers: Did I mention that the Panthers are really bad this year? I think John Fox is the second longest-tenured head coach in the NFL to Big Red, and the way things are going this year, Andy's about to be the undisputed king of that hill.

Browns over Patriots: OK, I missed this one, too, but did ANYBODY have the Browns? ANYBODY? (cue the tumbleweed and the coyotes)

Jets over Lions: The Lions are another team that's way better than their record. But Matt Stafford's shoulder is f-ed up again, and I'm starting to wonder how long his career's going to be. Also? Jim Schwartz? If your place kicker goes down, you might want to give your punter a shot at the extra point, rather than having Ndamukong Suh try it. Because, you know, your punter actually KICKS FOR A LIVING, rather than being a fairly talented defensive tackle. Really, DTs spend VERY little time kicking footballs on a regular basis. Trust me on this one.

Chargers over Texans: Told you so! Also, poor Former Team of Destiny. Also, you're welcome for the  thing with the Colts, keeping you in the race for AFC South.

Vikings over Cardinals: I can't get excited about this. Funny how Brett Favre always seems to feel just fine when they win, and whine about how this, that, and the other thing hurts when they lose. Also, I don't know what's going on between him and Chilly, but it ain't good.




Giants over Seahawks: Man, I thought this was going to be the worst beat down of the week. 
 
Raiders over Chiefs: Third OT game of the day, and apparently the officiating there was pretty poor, too. Think Jason Campbell's glad to be the hell out of DC? I'm going to go with "yes."

Packers over Cowboys: You know how I was saying just a minute ago that I thought the Seahawks' loss was going to be the ugliest of week 9? Not so much. Wade Phillips has been kicked to the curb, but frankly, I don't see that Jason Garrett is an upgrade. Also, looking at the even-worse disaster in Dallas since Tony Romo went down, I've really come to appreciate the fact that AR always seems to have a good QB in waiting. Well, other than in 2005, but that was some kind of cosmic thing, so I can't really blame him. Kitna? Not a good QB. Good luck, Jason Garrett (not really), and if I were you, I'd freshen up my resume.

Edited to add two things: 

1. I would be remiss if I didn't give a big shout-out to the Eagles' offensive line. They busted ass to keep Dwight Freeney off Michael Vick. I'm pretty sure at one point, I saw SIX guys on Freeney. I'm not sure how that left anyone to do anything else, but they were largely successful. Good job, y'all!

2.  Steelers over Bengals: SO close. Then again, there's a reason they're known as "The Bungles." 

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Friday Special: Top 5 Tips for Football Players

Remember this one? Not dumb enough to make the list, though.

There are a number of things that I say nearly every week in the course of the games (no, not bad words -well, I say those, too, but they aren't unique to me). Shoegal suggested I might want to collect them into a list.

The Snark's Advice to Football Players

1. CATCH first, THEN run.
2. When tackling, remember to use your arms.
3. Stop juking - just secure the ball and run. This ain't college honey - the other players are fast, too.
4. When the QB puts the ball on your numbers, catch it donkey.
5. Pull off a GREAT play? Down by 20+ points? Don't celebrate - just don't. You look like a moron.

What would you add to that list?

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2010 Week 9 Picks

New Picking System, Week 2: the Return of 12 of 13 (I hope)

Andy Reid is in his 12th season as head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles. So far, he's 11-0 the week after the bye, including 2005, aka The Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Hindenberg season.

Mike Vick will be back under center, hopefully sporting some sort of super special Under Armor that can repel knives, bullets, and Dwight Freeney.

DeSean Jackson is likely to return to the lineup, hopefully sporting a helmet made of magic clouds that will prevent him from becoming 2010's Brian Westbrook.

Then again, Big Red is also 0-3 against the Colts. And McNabb's Redskins lost the Colts (that just feels relevant to me, but I'm not sure why).

Basically all the analysts (other than Jaws, who, let's face it, is biased) are picking the Colts. Who have this guy - you might've heard of him? - Peyton Manning? Rumor is, he's pretty good. He's currently the #4 ranked QB in the league. And he's throwing to the #5 receiver, Reggie Wayne. They also have some pretty good guys on the other side of the ball, defensive end Robert Mathis and the aforementioned Dwight Freeney.

None of these facts is in dispute.

So what does The System say?  Eagles, baby!  Seriously. It does. And I'm picking the Eagles. God have mercy on my soul. And my system.

In the rest of the games:

Saints at Panthers: Saints. This pick surprises no one.

Patriots at Browns: Pats. But it wasn't as obvious as you might think.

Jets at Lions: Jets. This one was obvious (according to The System).

Buccaneers at Falcons: Falcons

Dolphins at Ravens: Dolphins. Don't question me. Actually, you can question me all you like. Dont' question The System.

Cardinals at Vikings: Wanna bet McNabb plays in this matchup next year? (Yes, I do realize these two teams may not face each other next year. Just play along.) Vikings. Oy. Does The System know Brett Favre's leg is about to fall off? And Randy Moss isn't there any more?

Bears at Bills: Bears. Poor Bills. This is not a good year for you. Next year's probably not looking great, either.

Chargers at Texans: Chargers. Hm. Interesting.

Giants at Seahawks: Giants. Who are looking like the team to beat in the NFC East this year.

Chiefs at Raiders: Raiders. Hey, Jason Campbell! How's Cali treating you?

Cowboys at Packers: The System says Cowboys, but I just don't think so. I'm going against The System and going with the Packers. And Clay Matthews, aka Mean Girl (thanks to Chef Spouse for that one).

Steelers at Bengals: Bengals. Boy, if I get this one right, I'm going to look like a freakin' genius.

On bye: Broncos, Jaguars, 49ers, Rams, Titans, Redskins

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Sunday Schedule: Sunday, November 7, 2010

Andy's 11-0 after the bye. But he's 0-3 against the Colts. Immovable object, meet irresistible force. Should make for an interesting afternoon.

1 pm: Dolphins at Ravens (second game? probably Bucs at Falcons)

4 pm: Colts at Eagles (with Giants the Seahawks on the side)

8 pm: Cowboys at Packers (boy, that matchup looked a lot more interesting when the schedules were set months ago)

MNF: Steelers at Bengals (same)

Also, Thursday night football starts next week. Let the insanity commence! That's OK - I wanted to watch football full time anyway.

Once again, the menu will be a mystery. Need more info to plan your contribution? Pester Chef Spouse - I'm not having any luck getting any answers.

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2010 Week 8 Recap

Eagles bye week, Sunday, October 31, 2010 


In attendance: just me and Chef Spouse. And NINE MILLION trick-or-treaters. Seriously, I've never seen so many in my life. We gave away every bit of candy we had the in house before 9 pm, at which point it became "turn out the lights and hide" versus "start handing out potatoes." We opted for #1.

Menu: shrimp etouffee and absinthe frappes. Since we couldn't be in NOLA for the weekend, we decided to pretend we were.

Stud of the week: my system for my picks. With the MNF Texans/Colts matchup in progress, I'm 11 for 12 on the week. No, I did not use a Magic 8 Ball. I was going to tell you how I did it, but Chef Spouse said I should preserve the mystery. So you'll just have to marvel.

In other news, it was the week of 2 points:  safeties, made two point conversion attempts, missed two point conversion attempts, you name it. If it was possible to get 2 points in there some way, teams did it. Even when it made no sense, like early in the 3rd quarter.

On to the results:

49ers over Broncos: I called it. Also, I think Mike Singletary still thinks his 2-6 team is going to the Super Bowl, God love him.

Jaguars over Cowboys: I called it. So one of the questions of the week is will there be a coaching change in Dallas? Amazingly, enough other wackadoo stuff has happened that it's barely in the top 5 though. The thing about switching coaches DURING the season is that it's a pretty dicey proposition - if the Cowboys were going to do it, they should've done it a month ago, before their bye week. I think they're pretty much stuck with Wade for the rest of the season, although I'd be shocked if he's still coaching in 2011. I've heard Cowher and Gruden both floated as possible replacements, but I don't think either of them is dumb enough to want to work for Jerry Jones. Also, Gruden gets credit as a coach he doesn't deserve - he won the Super Bowl with Tony Dungy's team. And Cowher has repeatedly said he doesn't want to leave North Carolina until his kids are grown, which to me indicates that his only possible coaching destination, at least for a while, would be the Panthers. Anyway, moving on...

Dolphins over Bengals: I called it. But TO got two TDs, so he may not even be aware the Bengals lost.
 
Chiefs over Bills: I called it. Won in OT on a field goal that literally went through the uprights as time expired, the Chiefs leave the Eagles still holding the dubious distinction of the last tie.

Lions over Redskins: I called it. I don't know what reality Mike Shanahan lives in where Rex Grossman is a better option than Donovan McNabb to run the two minute offense down by 5. Even weirder? Now Shanny's changed his tune to "McNabb's too fat to run the two minute offense." RIIIIIIIGHT. All I can think is that he's thinking, "Well, after McNabb got benched against the Ravens in 2008, he played like a house afire for the rest of the season, taking the Eagles to another NFC Championship game that they only lost because them damn defense fell apart." Can I point on that on his VERY FIRST play from scrimmage, Sexy Rexy got sacked, coughed up the ball, and the Lions put the game away? And this is supposed to be coaching genius?

Rams over Panthers: I called it. The Panthers stink this year. Hmmm, about Bill Cowher....

Packers over Jets: This is the one I missed, although in my defense, I did say that according to my system, it was a push. I went with the home team. Oops. Who would've guessed it would be the PACK who pitched a shut out?

Chargers over Titans: I called it, even though I could hardly believe it. The Chargers are probably gearing up to pull their annual, "You gave us up for dead. But wait! We're not! We're resurrecting your hopes! Until the playoffs. Then we really are dead."

Patriots over Vikings: I called it. You did hear that Randy Moss got released today? Dude hadn't even had time to get his cable hooked up yet! His post-game press conference love-fest for the Pats sure didn't help things, particularly after he decided that he was going to WATCH the passes, but he sure as hell wasn't planning to CATCH them, but something more must've happened. Personally? I think it's some sort of Belichick plot, and somehow Randy Moss will end up back in New England after stiffing the Vikings for a few mil. What do you have against Minnesota, Bill?

Bucs over Cardinals: I called it. The Bucs are quietly sitting at 5-2. Did you know?

Raiders over Seahawks: I called it. Looks who learned how to win games! Speculation is rampant, in the wake of The Benching, that McNabb will be somewhere not DC next year. Oakland's been floated as a possibility. Think that would make Jason Campbell go postal?

Saints over Steelers: Another one I called. Believe in the system. Trust the system. Love the system. What system? Can't tell you. But let's see how I fare this coming week....

(Also, at the moment, the Colts are up 14-0.)

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