Sunday Schedule: September 13, 2009

Welcome to the 2009 season, homeslices!

I'll be at home Thursday night watching the Steelers whup up on the Titans, if anyone cares to stop by. Otherwise, for Sunday:

1 pm: Eagles/Panthers
4 pm: Skins/Giants (with periodic check-ins on Cowboys/Bucs)
8 pm: Bears/Packers

MNF: double header of Bills/Patriots and then Chargers/Raiders

3 days - 6 games - happy Snark!

For the menu, we're planning to pick up hoagies from the fabulous Taylor, home of delicious and authentic Philly sammiches here in the hood. The bread's from Sarcone's and they would NEVER sully your hoagie with anything but oil & vinegar and Italian seasoning. Bring something that will go with!

Edited to add: Joe pointed out that the Cowboys/Bucs game is at 1 pm opposite the Eagles game. Guess we WON'T be flipping to that, even if our game is a blow out one way or the other, because I need to see how our new players fare in a real game situation.

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2009 Divisional Picks

Hold on to your hats, kids, it's time for my annual Post That Will Cause a Walk of Shame in January, aka my divisional picks. As I gaze into my crystal ball, which is evidently made of cubic zircona given my history with these picks, here's what I see:

AFC East: Dolphins
Just when I give up on the Dolphins, after YEARS of predicting they'd beat the Pats for the division, they go and win the division. Not making that mistake again. Plus, Patriots, I have much hate for you.

AFC North: Steelers
The juggernaut continues. It always looks on paper like they shouldn't be able to take the division, and yet...maybe it's something in the water up there in Blitzburgh.

AFC South: Texans
Hear me out. The Colts have lost some key players - and Tony Dungy. That's gotta hurt. The Jags and Titans are both pretty deeply flawed teams. And the Texans finished last season really strong, winning 4 of their last 5 games. I have a good feeling about them. Stop laughing!

AFC West: Chargers
Well, I was going to pick the Raiders based on the Jeff Garcia factor - aka, he seems to be able to pull any team to at least a winning record, and the AFC West was won at .500 last year. But they cut him in favor of Bruce Gradkowski and Charlie Frye. They're dead to me now. The Broncos grand plan was to pick up Dawk (still a locker room leader, but he's lost more than a step), Buckhalter, and Kyle Freakin' Orton? Did Josh McDaniels have a big bowl of crazy for breakfast every morning for the last 6 months? So who else am I going to pick? The Chiefs? I'm not THAT nuts.

AFC Wildcard: Colts and Ravens
Assuming they don't win their divisions. Hey, the Colts may have lost Tony Dungy AND Marvin Harrison, but they still have Peyton Manning. And I have a good feeling about the Ravens' prospects in the next several years. The Flaco/Harbaugh combo is looking promising.

NFC East: Eagles
Well duh! I always pick us to win NFC East. But the Giants are out of receivers, the Redskins are still hamstrung by The Third Worst Owner in Football, and the Cowboys are still hamstrung by the Second Worst Owner in Football (and besides, I so look forward to Tonyboy's annual meltdown). Particularly given our wideout and running back upgrades, who can really challenge us?

NFC North: Lions
Remember how I said last year that the Dolphins taking the AFC East would be the greatest turn around in the history of the NFL? I was wrong. THIS would be the greatest turn around in the history of football. But I don't think it's impossible. The Bears are saddled with Mr. Bad Attitude #1 Jay Cutler. He's not all that, and he's locker room poison, not a good thing in any player, but a particular problem in a QB. The Vikings are saddled with Mr. Bad Attitude #2 Brett Favre. He's not all that any more, and playing for revenge is not a particularly smart motivation. And the Packers seem to have lost their mojo. I don't think they ever really recovered from Mike Holmgren's departure in 1998. Plus, the Lions are pretty much an entirely new team - new players, new coaches, #1 draft pick. I admit, it's a bold prediction. But if I'm right, I'm going to look like a freakin' genius in January. If I'm wrong, well, I'm usually wrong about my pre-season divisional picks, so no harm, no foul.

NFC South: Falcons
Speaking of another combination that looks pretty winning: Ryan/Smith. Plus Jake Delhomme seems mentally unstable, the Bucs are in turmoil from what I can tell, and the Saints haven't been able to climb back to the top of the NFC South since their run to the NFC Championship game after the 2006 season.

NFC West: Cardinals
The Cardinals still have Kurt Warner, Fitz, Tim Hightower, and Anquan Boldin. Matt Leinart? Whatever - who even cares? Also, have you seen their competition? Nobody else even finished above .500 last year. Oy.

NFC Wildcard: Cowboys and Saints
Although I could probably make the argument for pretty much any two teams in the NFC. Except the Rams.

Tired of my dumb predictions? Check out...

• BleacherReport - the snark in strong in this one, Yoda.
• Don Banks of SI's Inside the NFL and I agree on almost nothing, for what it's worth.
• ESPN's Gene Wojciechowski predicts a Pats/Vikings Super Bowl. Doubtful.
• ESPN's also letting you vote. Look at my Eagles killing as predicted NFC East winners! Uh oh - that may be bad luck.

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Final Thoughts on the Preseason

As per usual, I haven't previewed the pre-season games. How many different ways can I come up with to say: "Prepare yourself for 3 hours of watching guys you've never even heard of run around not only looking like they've never PLAYED football, looking like they've never even watched a game. Woo-hoo!"

OK, it's not quite that bad - usually - but you get my point.

And recaps? Well, seeing as I live here in Redskins-ville, the games are played at such odd times it's often days before they're even broadcast locally. By which point you've already read a million recaps.

So, 1 win, 3 losses. But that actually makes me happy. That record says to me that Andy and the rest of the coaching staff gave the rookies and second and third teamers plenty of time to show what they've got, which should - hopefully - result in some solid personnel decisions on cut down day.

Besides, as the Jets announcers on last night's game pointed out, last year, the Lions went 4-0 in the preseason.

Random player observations:

Last night, Vick played a lot. He had more rushing yards than passing yards, ran for on TD and threw a pick. The announcers were acting like this was something unusual. Funny, but that's pretty much how I remember him from Atlanta. Are we sure we don't want to use him as a wideout?

Speaking of Vick, he'll be eligible as of the Chiefs game on September 27. If I were AJ Feeley, I'd be freshening up my resume.

David Akers nailed a 48 yard field goal last night. Somebody appears to be getting better rather than older.

Speaking of kickers, Sav was looking a little, um, inconsistent. Not that I want Akers to have to get used to a new holder, but this is no longer an experiment. Learn the game or get out.

The first team offense never took the field last night. Hank Baskett did. So did Reggie Brown. Draw your own conclusions.

We finally have an actual full back. Dan Klecko might want to glance over his resume, too.

Maclin and McCoy both played a little. Both looked pretty good. But it was against the Jets second and third team, so let's not read too much into it. Yet.

We don't quite seem to have our new O-line figured out. Let's hope that comes together before we're calling the Raiders to see if we can get Jeff Garcia back because we've run out of quarterbacks.

No Wolverine on the roster. It's real. Somehow, now it's real. Particularly since Woodhead, the guy who seems to have arrived in New York via Munchkinland, burned his successor (Quintin Demps, for those who've tried to block it out) every time he got the ball, which was about 1 play out of every 3.

So who's in and who's out? Damned if I know.

Up next: my annual pre-season divisional picks. In which I usually end up making a complete idiot of myself. Go me!

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Forever NOLA

And do something about it.

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Pre-season a-go-go

Man, I leave you kids alone for one minute and look what happens!

Brett Favre's a Viking.

Westy's injured (OK, that's not so surprising).

Jeremy Maclin finally signs, but probably so late that he'll waste a good chunk of his rookie year. Hope that extra coin was worth it, genius.

Plax's attorney finally convinces him to plead guilty and take his two years rather than gambling on, what? 5-10?

Ben Roethlisberger may have sexually assaulted a woman.

Every freakin' Eagle is injured. Well, OK, that's not STRICTLY true, but it sure seems that way watching the Keystone Kops joint that is Eagles/Colts. Oh jeez, AJ, do something. (Although given how little Big Red cares about pre-season games, I suspect winning them might actually b bad luck.)

Ocho Cinco's kicking extra points.

Donte Stallworth kills a guy and gets 30 days. Wait. What? He KILLED a guy, for chrissakes.

And that of course brings me to:

MICHAEL VICK

Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.

Chef Spouse and I heard the news during last week's Cardinals/Steelers pre-season opening game (also his birthday). We were both like "WTF? WTF!!!" Had to re-wind the TiVo. Like, 5 times. For about the first 12 hours, nothing but shock.

So I'm in the airport on my way to Toronto for a business trip the next day, and I call Life-Long Eagles Fan Mom during my layover to, OF COURSE, talk about the Vick signing.

My point? You saw it below - he served his time, he's out, the man needs to make a living, he should be allowed to play again.

LLEF Mom's point? Tony Dungy's vouching for him. That's saying something.

And both McNabb and Reid wanted him.

Hell, the Humane Society's even come around.

Lots of hue & cry about people giving up season tickets. You know what? Do it. I might stand a chance of scoring some in my lifetime.

So now that we have him, what do we plan to do with him? Personally, I'm guessing there's little plan to play him at QB unless McNabb goes down (knock wood) and Kolb's performance in the second half of the Ravens game last year turns out not to have been a fluke. I'm thinking they're planning Westbrook v. 2 - hybrid running back/receiver/decoy/flea-flicker target/wildcat offense.

So Eagles fans, what do you think? Good move? Bad move? Andy had a few too many cosmos one night and did something a little crazy?

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Reid/Vick/Dungy Press Conference

In case you missed it.

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Vick an EAGLE?!?

Michael Vick is, as of about 30 minutes ago, an Eagle (at least for the next two years.)

Response 1: WHA.....?

Response 2: Well, Kolb did get hurt in training camp.

Response 3: Clever plot to get a new Westy-style running back.

What say you, Eagles fans? I'm in shock personally.

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